La Greca: Let’s make a plan — helping kids move through change

You are at the park, the sun is starting to drop behind the mountains and it is time to go home. Or maybe screen time is ending, dinner is ready or bedtime is no longer optional. You give a simple direction, and suddenly the whole mood changes. A peaceful afternoon turns into tears, bargaining, running away or a full meltdown.

In those moments, it is easy to think a child is being difficult. But most of the time, young children are not trying to make life harder for the adults around them. They are simply struggling with change.

Transitions are hard because children live very much in the present moment. When they are building a tower, watching a show, playing outside or imagining a whole world with sticks and rocks, that activity feels complete and important to them. Being asked to stop can feel sudden, even when the adult has been thinking about leaving for 20 minutes.

This is where a simple plan can become a powerful tool.

Instead of shouting from across the room or waiting until everyone is already frustrated, adults can step closer, get down to the child’s level and calmly say, “Are you ready to hear the plan?” You can even make it playful by asking for “elephant ears,” inviting children to pause, look, listen and get ready for what comes next.

That small phrase changes the energy of the moment. It does not demand instant obedience. It invites the child into what is happening next. It gives their brain a second to shift. It creates curiosity instead of panic.

Children feel safer when they know what to expect. A plan gives shape to the unknown.

The simpler and more direct the plan is, the better. For example, if you are in the car with the kids and about to get home, you can say, “Who is ready to hear the plan?” Make it fun. Let them say, “Me!” Then you can say, “When we get home, we wash our hands, go pee, put on pajamas, read one book and take a nap.”

Or, if you are leaving the park, you can say, “Are you ready to hear the plan?” Once you have their attention, try, “Two more slides, then we say goodbye to the park, then we walk home for dinner.”

This kind of preview is often called priming. In child development, priming means preparing a child for what is coming next so they have time to understand the expectation before the transition happens. For young children, that little bit of preparation can make a big difference.

They may still be disappointed. They may still wish they had more time. But they are not being surprised by the change.

There are a few simple ways to make a plan work.

First, say what you want the child to do, not just what you want them to stop doing. Instead of, “Stop watching TV,” try, “The plan is one more minute, then we turn off the TV and walk to the table for dinner.” Instead of, “We are going home,” try, “The plan is two more slides, then shoes on, then we walk together to the car.”

Second, offer a small choice when you can. The adult still holds the boundary, but the child gets a little ownership. “Do you want the blue pajamas or the striped ones?” “Do you want to brush teeth before or after your book?” Choice helps children feel some control inside a situation they did not choose.

Third, notice the first tiny step in the right direction. Children need to know when they are doing well, not only when they are struggling. A simple, “You heard the plan and turned off the iPad. That was good listening,” can reinforce the behavior we want to see again.

The plan is not only for the child. It is also for the adult. A plan helps us slow down, choose our words and stay steady in a moment that could easily become stressful.

Children borrow our nervous systems. When we rush, snap or escalate, they often escalate too. Our tone, body language and timing matter.

A transition is not just a task to get through. It is a small opportunity to teach a child how to move through change.

Every day gives children moments where they have to stop something they like and move toward something they did not choose. Leaving the playground. Turning off the iPad. Saying goodbye. Getting dressed. Going to school. Going to bed.

These moments may seem ordinary, but they are where emotional resilience is built. Not in one big lesson, but in hundreds of small repetitions where a child learns, “I can be upset and still move forward. I can handle change. An adult will guide me through it.”

When we give children a plan, we are doing more than getting out the door on time. We are helping them build trust, flexibility and confidence.

And sometimes, the most powerful thing we can offer a child in the middle of a hard moment is not a lecture, a punishment or a louder voice. It is the reminder that even when change feels hard, they do not have to move through it alone.

Gabriela La Greca is the founder of Snowmass Nannies, a boutique childcare agency serving Aspen, Colorado. Originally from Argentina, she brings over 10 years of experience in childcare and education, along with a playful and intuitive approach to working with children. She continues to study child development, with a focus on behavior and emotional well being, and mentors her team with an emphasis on connection, creativity and trust. Her work is rooted in the belief that children thrive when caregivers step fully into their world.