Cole: The most adaptable to change

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the “flow” and its relationship to being present.

I recently came across a compelling quote from the Netflix series “100 Foot Wave” that perhaps more effectively describes how an immersive experience can force its participants to be fully present. Garrett McNamara, a surfing pioneer who is credited for bringing big wave surfing to Nazaré, Portugal, said, “Fear is something we choose. Fear is when we’re not in the moment, when we choose to think about the past or think about the future — two things that don’t exist. For the big waves, the only thing that exists is right now.” When you’re careening down a 70-foot wave at over 50 miles an hour, you can’t afford to be anything but fully present. This is the state of flow.

I also compared the concept of “no mind” to the Buddhist term “egolessness,” which likely needs further explanation. I’ll commit this column to expanding on the concept of egolessness, as well as exploring how spirituality can enhance the pursuit of being present.

When many people think of spirituality, they often connect it with religion. While religion can certainly support the pursuit of being more present — through faith, prayer, and community — it’s only a part of the larger collective of spiritual practices. Spirituality is simply the search for meaning or purpose, often in connection with something greater than ourselves, such as a higher power, a universal consciousness, or the natural world. Spiritual practice involves exploring beliefs and values that create a sense of belonging and significance in our lives.

I believe spirituality can have three components: theological, philosophical, and experiential. Because I am less drawn to a god or organized religion, I connect more deeply with the philosophical and the experiential — conveniently, the foundations of Buddhism. Those less familiar with Buddhism might say that it’s a religion, but I think most people who have practiced Buddhist spirituality would say it’s more of a philosophy or a guide for day-to-day living. While the Buddha did become enlightened or “awakened” through his own spiritual practices, he did not consider himself a deity nor did he want others to see him that way. He was simply a philosopher and spiritual teacher who wanted to share his experiences with anyone who would listen.

Buddhism is based on the Four Noble Truths, the first of which refers to the idea that life is often difficult and involves some degree of suffering. Perhaps this seems like a rather pessimistic view of life, but to me, it means that the truth of life — for every human, without exception — is that we all get sick, we grow old, and we eventually die. These are realities many of us are not well-practiced in accepting. When things go wrong, we would rather escape the reality of the present by indulging in thoughts or behaviors that might bring us momentary relief. We seek and cling to pleasurable things, doing whatever we can to make them last. And we avoid painful things, doing whatever we can to make them go away. Neither allows us to be fully present.

This is the workings of “ego.” In Buddhism, ego is the solid, unwavering version of how we see ourselves and our place in the world. It is rigid and inflexible and contributes to the “fixed” or “finite” mindset I wrote about a while back. When things don’t go as we’d like, we double down on our beliefs and the stories we tell ourselves, resisting adaptation and the opportunity to learn from challenges or adversity. This stands in contrast to the “growth” or “infinite” mindset.

To me, ego is the adult version of our protective selves — something I’ve written about in all of my past columns — and is the enemy of being present and mindful. “Egolessness” or the absence of ego, is where the magic happens. It is “no mind,” it is “flow,” and it is being fully present.

Egolessness is the space of growth and adaptation, where we stand strong in our beliefs but are also open to the possibility of learning — open to growth, to opportunity, and to evolving beyond a fixed way of doing things. It’s about being willing to adapt our values and beliefs in any given moment, especially when there’s new information or perspective. Imagine a palm tree standing tall and strong against the wind, yet not so rigid as to break — it must be flexible enough to sway and withstand the external forces.

As evolutionary biologist Charles Darwin is thought to have said, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, not the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”

To take it a step further, we might think of absolute egolessness as enlightenment. In my decades-long attempt to better understand the Buddhist concepts of egolessness and enlightenment, I’ve come to believe they are simply states of being completely and absolutely present. While it may be unrealistic to experience egolessness all the time, we can certainly cultivate more moments of presence — moments where we feel empowered and develop greater appreciation and gratitude for the lives we’ve been given.

Next time, I will explore how ego gets created and reinforced over and over again by a construct called “Shock, Uncertainty, and Conviction.” This is the cycle where we experience a challenge to our fixed view of ourselves, feel fear and doubt, and then double down on our stories, getting stuck in our fixed mindsets. Stay tuned.

Jeff Cole is a licensed professional counselor, board certified leadership and performance coach, certified meditation instructor, and graduate of Naropa’s Contemplative Psychology program. He can be reached at jmcole28@gmail.com.