The great S-curve solution

OK, I was wrong. The California recall succeeded where I said it would fail. Egg on my face – sorry!

But back to Pitkin Comedy Central.

The 13 Comedians have met again, and again, and again . now yesterday was the promised finale. “. Blocking off 8th Street . reversible lane (rejected) . expanded pedestrian sidewalks .” etc., etc., etc.

Heck, this S-Curve mess could be solved in one fell swoop, once and for all!

To wit: At precisely 6:30 a.m., Monday through Friday, all year round, a 15-second WAIL from the Aspen Fire Department siren and a similar coordinated siren at Snowmass/Brush Creek usher in “The Great S-curve Solution.”

From 6:30 a.m.-8:30 a.m., no traffic will be allowed downvalley from Mill St. in Aspen, west on Main Street (Highway 82) all the way to the Snowmass/Brush Creek intersection. PERIOD. All street lights will be turned off, and there will be no parking allowed on Main Street. In other words, the only traffic allowed on Highway 82 is toward Aspen.

This will allow workers traveling upvalley to have unfettered access to ALL 4 lanes of Hwy. 82 from the Snowmass/Brush Creek intersection to their jobs in Aspen. (If you want to peel off before Aspen, be sure to be in the correct lane.)

Careen up 82 – at the Airport/AABC, those for the airport stay right, those for AABC, left. Be aware, North 40 and AABC residents will be feeding in – they don’t use the buses to Aspen, because they are too inconvenient.

Those for Aspen – zoom past Stage Coach Road, past Buttermilk and the Inn at Aspen – those lights are all off – through the Aspen Golf Course/Truscott intersection and on to the roundabout. Use both sides, as there is no traffic coming at you – stay left for Aspen only, right for Aspen Highlands, high school, ARC and hospital. Maroon Creek and Castle Creek drivers heading to Aspen filter in from the right. (High schoolers and visitors to ARC from the Aspen side – what do you think those expensive trails and bridges are for? Use them!)

Through the roundabout – past Cemetery Lane (where those downvalley smart-aleck drivers, who use McLain Flats to beat the crush, will try to squeeze in) – sail over Castle Creek Bridge with its (now) two lanes – slalom through the S-curves (we’ll eliminate the 7th Street island to smooth things out) – swing past the “Old Deli” (thanks, Rachel!) and “VOILA”, you’re on Main Street and in Aspen. Parking? That’s your problem.

Come 8:30 a.m., three long blasts on the fire siren (and downvalley’s) signal the “all clear!” Miraculously, all the street lights come on, one can park on Main Street, and things return to normal. Even pedestrians can jaywalk fearlessly – until 3:30 p.m.!

Precisely at 3:30 p.m., the 15-second sirens reverse the morning’s calamitous commute. Chaos begins again and reigns until the three blasts at 5:30 p.m. signal the “all clear,” and life again returns to normal.

Oh, as to the other traffic and pedestrians in the area? Do what you can, or do it between 8:30 a.m. and 3:30 p.m., or after 5:30 p.m. During ski season, I guess skiers will quit before 3:30 pm or have a couple of “pops” and wait until 5:30 p.m. – their choice.

Remember, you are not part of the problem, you are part of the solution.

Peter Nicklin

Aspen