Enough is enough | AspenTimes.com

Enough is enough

Dear Editor:

Rise up, citizens of Aspen! End City Market’s Kafkaesque experiment of trying to establish precisely how much shit we will eat. It began eons ago with inflated prices unaffiliated with any American economic indicators – we are 45 whole miles off a major interstate freeway after all!

Then came the remodel, otherwise known as the “polishing of the turd.” If you’re willing to risk parking in a construction zone, there are 10 available spaces – good luck! You then enter a cement-and-plywood corridor where, in most places, you would be issued a hard-hat for liability reasons.

You enter the store where they have already publicly announced that they are removing asbestos, but there are no signs regarding this to inform tourists or locals who didn’t read the newspaper that day. The store head honcho has stated that an asbestos level reading is taken every morning. That’s wildly reassuring, but what are the levels? Couldn’t you at least offer a sign near the entrance like the Forest Service does for fire danger? “Asbestos Danger MEDIUM today” or something?

Oblivious tourists now have the advantage in their ignorance. We locals walk in, and our years of loyalty are rewarded with being unable to find anything in its former location. Scaffolding is erected in literally every aisle. Still, we’re hearty mountain-town survivors, we can take it!

Until today. Today, upon entering the store you were told by desperate bilingual employees that all purchases would have to be cash only. Good luck with that in this town. I shopped anyway, having won the parking lot lottery for the first time since the remodel began (it was midday, blinding snowstorm).

No Pepsi available. Apparently, it was “yes, we have no Pepsi” day. I grabbed a few other items and proceeded to the register, cash in hand as instructed.  

Guess what? All customers were expected to also memorize the prices of each item they brought to the register for purchase. Some geniuses were using shopping carts. The customer service desk attendees, cashiers and baggers were all mumbling in robotic Orwellian “helpspeak” with the requisite sincerity levels. Fellow Aspenites, I say “Basta! Enough! Arise and loot!”

There aren’t any windows to break, but there is merchandise to plunder. Stop shopping and start looting City Market! Just don’t forget to wear your Hazmat suit.

David Frank


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