Murdock: It’s a choice and becoming an easy choice

When I wake up in the morning and I look at my husband, I can resent him for all the things he might have done — yesterday or the day before or last night or last year — that upset me. I can punish him for being him and making the choices he made that created upset in me. I can look at him and wish he’d change and be different.

I can suffer.

I can wake up each morning, and I can look at him and feel gratitude for all the ways he serves me. For all the ways he shows up for me. For everything he gives me consciously and even for the unconscious ways he uncovers things for me to look at by being my sacred mirror. When I am upset, I can project blame and throw arrows and tell him he’s wrong, or I can set my intention to be free from suffering and tenderly look at the places inside that hurt and be with them. The most powerful act I know is to simply be with. 

When I remember to apply loving to myself, I don’t need it constantly from others to validate myself or my feelings. I am with me. I am hearing me. I am seeing me. Then, I can ask for what I want and need from a grounded place, relinquishing my fragility to discover the strength of vulnerability. I allow myself to be seen. This takes courage. 

When I take ownership of my experience and dedicate every waking moment to learning and growing, I can forgive. Forgiveness opens the space for me to grow. Judging others keeps me stuck. When I forgive myself for the judgments I make about myself and others, I can be at peace, I can allow for mistakes — even painful ones — and know we are all doing our best. In this way, I can choose love in each moment versus withhold love from him and, therefore, myself. I can continue to open. This is how I want to walk in this world. One more open heart in the world is one more open heart in the world. 

When I started Lead with Love over 10 years ago, I knew I would be answering the question “What does it mean to lead with love?” all day, everyday, for the rest of my life. I created a bold mission for the org and for myself: “We exist to shift culture from fear to love.” It continues to be my mission and the mission of this org to work toward this shift inside of myself and in the world. The more I can see through the eyes of love and act from an orientation toward service, the more I am realizing this mission. With our current focus on our Care for Caregivers program, I am surrounding myself with the most inspiring heart-centered leaders. I am learning so much from them and the way they serve. 

I’ve never actually codified what it means to lead with love for me; it’s always been an exploration. It’s something that evolves and grows just like me. As I prepare to gather with several beautiful souls for our Lead with Love retreat in Greece later this month, this inquiry is alive in my heart. What does it mean to lead with love? What I know is that it is a choice — a daily, moment-by-moment choice to use my awareness to choose the most loving response to any situation. It’s not always easy.

I used to think of loving as acquiescing and going along with things. My cultural conditioning as a little girl and young woman was to be a pleaser. Peeling layers of conditioning away over the past few decades is revealing to me something luminous.

It is a woman who knows her worth and value beyond what anyone thinks or says or does. It is a crystalline knowing of what’s true for me and what’s not. It’s an ability to say no and stand firm with love pouring from my heart.

Compassion. Empathy. Connection. Forgiveness. Authenticity. Vulnerability. Intentionality. Freedom.

These are the qualities that give me an ability to serve humanity with an open heart. I can choose to use them and feed them or default to old patterns and conditioning where I need to be right or I am victimized by circumstance. It’s a choice, and it’s actually becoming quite an easy choice. 

Gina Murdock is the Founder and Director of Lead with Love, an Aspen-based non-profit dedicated to nurturing and supporting heart-centered leaders through their Care for the Caregiver’s program and transformative retreats worldwide like Greece in May of 2024. For more info, visit http://www.ileadwithlove.org.

Gina Murdock is the founder of Lead with Love, an Aspen, Colo. based non-profit org dedicated to shifting culture from fear to love and a board member of CASA of the Ninth dedicated to advocating for children who are neglected and abused. More info at www.ileadwithlove.org