Moon Mondays: Boundaries don’t make you a jerk

I watch too much TV. I stream way more than I want. I love to read, and as a writer, I could argue, I need to read more. But at the end of a busy day, I numbingly plop down with my iPad. It’s been bugging me for years, but have I changed this annoying habit with any consistency? Nope. So, I’m outing myself to you today — because this is really a boundary issue. 

Tomorrow’s Libra new moon is inspiring me to write about boundaries. 

Libra’s shadow side is being boundary-less — always the peacemaker, putting harmony above personal needs, abandoning itself to make sure everyone else is okay. Sadly, when Libra does that: It just gets smaller, folding itself into impossible origami shapes it believes will appease others. 

Libra’s real-life lesson is learning to keep the peace because that’s naturally in this sign’s nature, but not at its own expense — not at its own detriment. Libra’s growth comes through exploring boundaries and upholding them. 

Libra can take a cue from its opposite sign, Aries — its polarity. Aries has a strong sense of self, but sometimes, in its shadow, Aries can be over-boundaried, keeping people at arm’s length. True peace and connection, what Libra wants most of all, come from finding the balance within Libra and Aries — between harmony and self-respect. 

Boundaries can be especially challenging for us women. We’ve been conditioned to be loving, kind, gentle, and to always put everyone else first. Selfless programming confuses us and makes us judge boundaries as harsh, mean, or selfish. 

Boundaries are none of those things. They’re simply what’s okay for you and what’s not. What works for you and what doesn’t. You don’t have to shout them from the Bowl mountain tops — boundaries are purely between you and you. They’re not about anyone else. 

If someone’s being a total jerk, you can’t change them. But you can stop engaging with them. If someone’s an energy vampire sucking the marrow from your bones, you can’t control them. What you can do is cut-off their blood flow — your vitality. Only you can hold that boundary with yourself.  

Boundaries are your responsibility. Period. 

Often easier said than done, but it’s still the truth. 

Last week, after a long day telling myself, “I’m only going to read tonight,” then swiftly cozying up with my iPad, I thought to myself: I’m a freaking life coach — how would I coach myself through this maddening problem? 

Then it hit me, micro-actions, my secret antivenom to overwhelm’s debilitating sting. I realized in a stirring “a-ha” moment, I’d never applied micro-steps to this “too much TV” issue. I’d been trying to make huge, all-or-nothing changes — like, “I’ll never watch TV again,” or “I’ll only read books from here on out.” That go-big-or-go-home attitude never works with change. It’s too extreme. 

We slingshot straight to the ideal — our highest vision for change, what we ultimately desire, omitting all the necessary tiny baby changes that truly manifest our dream. 

Once I remembered micro-actions (which I talk about all the time), I set a teeny, doable goal. I asked myself, how can I make this shift as painless as possible? 

That’s the secret to micro-actions — they should feel too easy to do. So insignificant you think you’re nearly not doing anything at all. 

I decided: Once a week, I’ll watch just one hour of TV — with a timer, so I can’t cheat — and then I’ll read. Guess what? I’ve done that or better almost every day this week. That’s the power of micro-actions! 

By setting the bar low enough that it felt beyond attainable, I created success. I’ve read (and accomplished) more this week than I have in years. That makes me feel really good about myself. Because I’m taking the actions to make my life what I most want it to be. 

That’s the beauty of boundaries: they provide the structure that makes us thrive. They aren’t restrictive — they’re supportive. Far from harsh, mean or selfish, boundaries help us be honest with ourselves about what works for us. They build our self-worth, which is what this Libra new moon is all about: attuning to our own needs amid our multitudes of relationships.  

I’ll be reading tonight for the new moon, enjoying one of the new books I got turned on to at the Aspen Literary Festival last month. So many books and now so much more time.  

Sheridan Semple helps women break defeating habits that hold them back by exploring and holding their boundaries for themselves. She is a feminist astrologer, AstroLife Coach, and founder of Moon Sisters Circle. Find her work at sheridansemple.com or email her at sheridan@sheridansemple.com.