Marolt: Can’t we all just agree that I was right?
A reliable source revealed to me this week that Aspen Ski Co. has called for my firing many times over the past 14 years. Who could have guessed? All I know is they never offered me a free ski pass.
I, for one, do not want to go through life in a fight. I do not want to become the hatchet-faced whiskey warlock whose greatest talent is turning the joiners’ table at Peach’s into a private dining experience in sensory depravation.
I desire to make amends with Skico. I hope they don’t mind me addressing them so informally. I hope we can find some common ground to stand shoulder to shoulder on; a place we can lock arms and celebrate not only our differences, but the things we have in common, too.
That ground will not be found in the new Lost Forest on-mountain amusement park, which, incidentally, seems more aptly named than ever considering today’s aim. I know they offered that amenity to us as an unforgettable experience that we can bond over as we glide above the woods on a suspended cable that we are attached to by a sling snuggly hugging our buns and intra-thigh space. I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe this is the area to explore under these circumstances — the Lost Forest, that is.
While there may not be a cornucopia of fruitful ideals Skico and I feast on together in the brotherly banquet of admiration, the one thing we can agree on is that I was 100 percent correct on the few issues I beat them up over. If you take the time to think about it, I promise you won’t burn many brain cells. It will take but a millisecond.
The elephant in the mud pit, of course, is Base Village. Most of my readers still enjoyed a healthy sex life and all would have laughed at the thought of ever needing to wear disposable undergarments back when I began hinting that the colossal development project might not exactly be a wonderful, appropriate or even feasible idea.
I am not proud of some of the names I called Skico, especially the references connecting intelligence and geologic formations, as the project took off and the exaggerated tales they told about the benefits of a million square feet of faux Bavarian timeshares swayed.
I’m not sure who, anymore, since everyone around here now denies ever supporting it. Hindsight is 20-20, of course, but if there are regrets, it is that I probably should have used coarser language and employed naked models covered only by sandwich boards with sketches of what Base Village looks like today to make my point. Alas, even I could not envision how bad it would appear that far into the future.
However, that is not the point. The point is that I was right. I know it. You know it. Skico knows it. It should be a simple reconciliation from this point. Knowing I was correct about this mess from the beginning and that I did everything in my limited power to let them know that they were about to embark on a titanic mistake, how could they still be mad at me? We will just have to agree that we agree.
The other big issue that got their goat was when I called them out on their holier-than-thou proclamations on climate change back when everyone still called it global warming. They pretty much designed a marketing campaign on how they were saving the world one chainsaw cut at a time and by burning canola oil in their fleet of snowcats. The number of fingers they pointed at everyone else was limited only because they were perpetually patting themselves on the back. They somehow managed to make lumber companies look bad in comparison to how they, themselves, clear-cut forests for ski trails. They boycotted a manufacturer of nose tissues, of all things. They touted “awards” from the ski industry itself, proclaiming their carbon footprint was smaller than, say, that of Mammoth Mountain.
All I did was point out that this sounded disingenuous and suggested they would be more successful in the battle of righteousness if they incorporated a little humility in the message. It took awhile, but eventually they got it. Today they are actually tolerable addressing issues bigger than they are.
I like Skico. I hope they will embrace their new message of love and tolerance to forgive me for being right.
Roger Marolt hopes to incorporate a little more humility into his message starting next week … the week after, at the latest. Email at email@example.com.
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