Princess: Life is a bowl of cherries — so throw that into your crepe
The Aspen Princess
I think I’m going to become a crepererian.
See, I’m only going to eat crepes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. That way, I can tackle all of the diet trends at once: Crepes are gluten-free, they can be vegetarian and Paleo, and if I commit to eating only one type of food for any length of time, it’s kind of like a cleanse, in a way, because I’m cutting major food groups out of my diet and committing to only this one thing. Just because it’s not ground up into powder form and green and liquid and foul-tasting doesn’t mean it’s not good for me.
There’s even a “green” crepe on the menu, and it has spinach (hello power-greens, super-food, Popeye snack) and avocado (hola healthy fat and omega-3s). I’m talking about Mawa’s new creperie, Market Street Kitchen in Basalt.
Yes, I said Basalt.
It’s true I had the Market Street crepe, which has sweet potato, bacon, cheese, maple syrup and two eggs on top, so it actually was pretty far from green, but damn, it was absolutely delicious.
I love Mawa for a lot of reasons. She’s loud, outspoken, funny, smart, driven and super-hardworking. She’s kind of the opposite of a princess; she’s actually had to work really hard to get where she is.
But what really blows me away is her food.
Ryan and I sit around and watch Food Network until our eyeballs bleed. We watch every cooking competition show there is, from “Chopped” to the one where they have little kids competing against professional chefs (those kids are unbelievable). We fancy ourselves armchair foodies, and whenever we go out to eat we find ourselves imitating the language we hear the judges use on these shows: “I love the way the saltiness of the dish mingles with the sweetness and the savory and la-la-la” or “The dish is nice, but it could have used some acid to cut into the richness” and so on and so forth.
Also, we love to eat. So between what we learn on TV and all the food we shove into our faces, we consider ourselves experts.
That said, Mawa’s food is something special. I first tried it at my baby shower, where she put out quite the spread: fondue; empanadas; Thai spring rolls; and fresh, delicious salads; and, of course, her amazing crepes. Then there was the dessert spread, and she has a gluten-free chef who makes these amazing cookies and cakes to satisfy the mental issues of people who think they now have an excuse to eat all kinds of crap just because it doesn’t have gluten in it. I can’t wait to see what bad food we “free” ourselves of next. (In my lifetime, it’s been fat (that was the gummy-bear, pretzel and diet-soda era), carbs (Atkins, et al), sugar (Paleo) and processed foods (let’s all pretend to eat like Gwyneth Paltrow).
I’ve got news for you: As soon as you cut something out of your diet, you might lose weight at first. But eventually, gradually, you find other foods that are acceptable to your restrictions, and so you bring those unwanted extra calories back in (brown-rice pasta has just as many calories as white-flour pasta — hello). Plus, because we are such dumdums when it comes to marketing, we buy everything and anything that has our new label on it. It always cracks me up when something like ice cream is labeled “gluten free.”
Just the other day, my mom brought me a clipping from The New York Times. Yes, she actually brought me a copy of the article in print; God forbid she should just email me the link, though I do love her for that. Anyway, the article’s headline read: “Never diet again: The problem isn’t neuroscience, it’s willpower. And you can’t fight back.”
She said, “See? I wasn’t being mean when I said, ‘Your body hates you.’ It really isn’t your fault.”
I told her that is so negative on so many levels. But she seemed genuinely pleased that The New York Times had come up with an excuse for her chronically chubby kid. I could always try her approach, which is to eat five calories a day and exercise for at least two hours, but according to this article that wouldn’t do me any good.
Sandra Aamodt, who is a neuroscientist and has a book coming out about why diets don’t work, writes, “Metabolic suppression is one of several powerful tools that the brain uses to keep the body within a certain weight range, called the set point. … When the dieter’s weight drops below it, they not only burn fewer calories but also produce more hunger-inducing hormones and find eating more rewarding.”
Did I mention that this is an opinion piece?
Maybe that’s why, when I did the Paleo Challenge — for six whole weeks — I didn’t drop an ounce. Ditto that for the Clean Cleanse (21 days) and the Purium Cleanse (10 days and lost 4 pounds that I gained back and then some a week later). When I was pregnant, they put me on a low-sugar diet because I had mild gestational diabetes and I lost 5 pounds in my third trimester. But as soon as I had the baby and it was safe for me to eat sugar again, I made up for lost time and started drinking beer and eating ice-cream cones every single night.
Anyhoo, because diets don’t work and I am destined to be the same weight as friends who are 10 inches taller than I am, and because Mawa opened her creperie right here in Basalt, I’m going to eat the hell out of those damn crepes. I can’t wait.
You know the old saying: If life gives you rotten eggs, make a crepe.
The Princess might not be losing weight, but she is clearly losing her mind. Email your love to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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