Meredith Carroll: The 2015 ‘You had one job’ awards
It’s no secret that plenty of locals work more than one job for the privilege of being able to afford to call Aspen home. A smaller group of people have the luxury of only needing one job in Aspen, although within that select few, a handful of them had the further distinction of struggling to get their one job done in 2015.
Behold the winners of Aspen’s second annual “You Had One Job” awards:
When your husband, Trey Styler, is convicted of murder, then commits suicide in prison and names you the beneficiary of a $1 million life-insurance policy, your one job is definitely not to write a book defaming the victim, Nancy Pfister, and your former life partner while dubiously pronouncing your hands to be lily white in the very gruesome matter. No, your one and only job is to disappear quickly and quietly into the night.
THE WHEELER OPERA HOUSE
The Wheeler Opera House voluntarily spelled out its one job on mugs that were distributed at a November launch party heralding its renovation: Opening December 2015. However, given that December is nearly over and the Wheeler stage is still dark and will remain so until Jan. 8, its one job has been reassigned to Harris Hall. Whoops.
THE YES-ON-BASE 2 GUYS
Mark Hunt’s one job is to develop, and it’s hard to argue that he hasn’t done his one job, with 10 downtown Aspen properties to his name and at least two more under contract. Less successful at their one job were the guys tasked with getting voters to approve the Base 2 lodge at the corner of Main and Monarch streets. Gordon Bronson, Reuben Sadowsky and Joey Stokes were given tens of thousands of dollars by Hunt to, well, no one’s quite sure what they did with all the money (except for some $5,500, which was apparently spent on “door knockers”). After the election, Sadowsky and Stokes told the Aspen Daily News “they found the experience of working on the campaign to be positive.” If their one job was to fritter away someone else’s money, then they, indeed, did one job well — just not the right job.
The Aspen Police Department’s stated philosophy is to “enhance the safety and feeling of security within our community.” Despite that, on Feb. 6, so-called peace officer Adam Loudon spectacularly forgot his one job upon spotting a high school student whom he suspected of being in possession of marijuana. Police Chief Richard Pryor said the boy “did not exhibit violent behavior,” yet an amateur video of the arrest showed Loudon and two other men pulling his ears while ramming his head and neck into the ground and then placing him in handcuffs. Fortunately for Aspen, Loudon, who was the officer responsible for nearly one-third of the Police Department’s use of intermediate weapons over a three-year period beginning in 2011, is now doing his one job elsewhere.
Never mind that he racked up a bill in excess of $13,000 by wreaking havoc on the Pitkin County jail cell he landed in after being popped for drunken driving. Chris Jacobson’s one job was as a Snowmass Village Town Councilman, except he ceased attending council meetings after his arrest in June, which left his constituents with no choice but to do their job and recall him from his one job in October.
THE ASPEN SCHOOL BOARD
An administrative error on November’s election ballot left one of three open Aspen School Board seats in question, so the board said they’d appoint the position to the candidate who earned the third-most votes. Now, Sheila Wills and Sandra Peirce have put off that one job until at least Jan. 11 because they have “concerns” with what they say is a “display of negativity towards the district” by third-place finisher Margeaux Johansson. Peirce says she wants public input on the board seat, although in a Dec. 11 email to district parents, she and Wills wrote, “It is very difficult for individual board members to express their immediate reaction to an issue being raised without the opportunity for thoughtful consideration of the needs of all the children in the district … (therefore, they typically don’t discuss or address public comments) until a later meeting, once adequate time for research and reflection has been honored.” Perhaps Wills and Peirce should do some soul-searching about what their one job actually is instead of continuing to say one thing and then do everything but that.
Aspen City Councilman Bert Myrin had one job. Oh, wait. In fact, he had several jobs but only did one, and it wasn’t exactly in his job description. Maybe he’ll have more success doing all of his jobs next year, or at least a few more, instead of simply working to ensure others can’t do theirs.
NATALIA SHVACHKO AND MICHAEL SEDOY
Restaurant row’s most infamous tenants get an extra special award for being the only people to become repeat “You had one job” winners. The only local job Natalia Shvachko and Michael Sedoy have is to just relax; it’s Aspen. Here’s hoping that concept finally resonates with them in 2016.
More at http://www.meredithcarroll.com.