Meredith C. Carroll: Trump forced out of employee housing unit

Meredith C. Carroll
Muck Off

It’s all over for embattled White House tenant Donald J. Trump, who suffered a fatal blow this week in his attempt to remain in his government-subsidized, family housing unit. Despite the irrefutable termination of his employment contract, the now-ex-president had argued with increasing belligerence that he was entitled by divine right to have his lease extended.

Trump visited Trump-owned or branded properties for roughly one-third of his time in office — or one-third of his office time — a fact that he argues should allow him more time in the Lincoln Bedroom, specifically. (His current wife, Melania, has been the lone occupant of the White House residence’s largest bedroom suite for the past four years, according to sources with knowledge of the arrangement, who said the First Lady lives in fear of her husband using her bathroom.)

“Obama spent so much more time at the White House than me, but the fake news and failing New York Times won’t talk about that,” Trump said in a video posted to his son Barron’s TikTok account. “Even ‘Crooked Hillary’ got more nights here. Has anyone looked into that? Where’s my Roy Cohn?”

Trump tried prolonging his stay in taxpayer-subsidized housing through legal challenges rejected by seemingly every court at every level. However, from state courts to the Supreme Court, Trump’s argument that a Deep State vendetta against his right to live in public housing culminating with the rigged election of November 2020 ultimately failed to win over any judges or justices.

“My ancestors’ slaves built this house with their own hands,” Trump said. “This is a complete failure of justice to the people who serve me. I can’t believe they’re throwing me out — in the middle of a global pandemic, no less. Have they seen the infection numbers? The rising death toll? Shame on them.”

Attorney Jeanine Pirro, who’s representing Trump in a limited capacity, argued there have been multiple procedural inconsistencies that have violated her client’s rights and thus, essentially undermine that entire case against him.

“All Donald wants is a hearing before the American citizens, who can then decide if the election was rigged,” she said. “This is the people’s house. Donald is a person. I rest my case.”

Trump has proposed a peace settlement that includes proof he’s in compliance with the Constitution (“Nobody’s ever been more compliant in the history of compliance,” he said). He has additionally volunteered to do community service and donate either his third- or fourth-born child to a foundation he plans to establish to benefit those whose elections and free housing have been stolen. In exchange, he has offered to pay the United States Government to rent the White House.

“Of course I’ll negotiate a terrific deal,” he said.

Trump made no public appearances in the waning hours of his presidency, although National Guard troops were sent in to watch as he lingered on the steps of the North Portico and heckled the movers hired to haul out his boxed-up belongings and also a sweaty Rudy Giuliani, who was tasked with sweeping out the mudroom. A framed Valentine from Kim Jong-un could be seen dangling precariously from one shipping container.

“Hey, careful with that!” Trump, who wore a Trump University windbreaker, a pair of Skechers and brandished a junior golf putter and a Bible, said. “If anything breaks, I’m not paying, OK?”

“Dude,” a worker from JK Moving Services said while shaking his head and flipping through papers on his clipboard. “I don’t know what to tell you. If you’ve got a problem you’re just going to have to call my boss.”

It was an anonymous neighbor, described in official reports only as a long-term boarder at Number One Observatory Circle, who initially alerted authorities to the possibility of trouble on moving day. In addition to the National Guard keeping an eye on Trump, a team of exterminators in Orkin uniforms was seen tenting off the areas by the Oval Office and White House private quarters. A Roto-Rooter van was also spotted pulling up to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

“I will defend my liberty and freedom with your lives,” Trump vowed upon being escorted off the property to a waiting car with a “Don’t Tread on Me” bumper sticker. “But that toilet was clogged before I even got here. I’m definitely not paying for that.”

More at and on Twitter @MCCarroll.