Meredith C. Carroll: 27 reasons to give thanks for President Trump
Muck Off
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Good news: We’ve survived nearly three years of a Trump presidency. Bad news: Trump has been president for nearly three years. If you’re digging deep for some gratitude this holiday season but keep coming up short, remember:
1. His hair: a reminder that yours could always be worse.
2. Every time you read about one of his kids you dislike your own a little less.
3. Impeachment 2019: I laughed! I cried! It was better than “Cats!”
4. He’s made buying newspapers great again.
5. There’d be no #MeToo without him. (Thanks, Mr. President!)
6. He makes not being American, rich, Christian, white, blonde, male, married, an Ivy League graduate and president of the United States seem remarkably appealing.
7. Dim-witted people have never felt so smart (by comparison).
8. Inarticulate people have never felt so eloquent (by comparison).
9. The only thing more fun than watching “Saturday Night Live” skewer him is picturing him watching himself get skewered on “Saturday Night Live.”
10. He inspired Canada to give itself a Sandy-at-the-end-of-“Grease” makeover. (Rawr, Canada!)
11. His tweets make your toddler’s tantrums look quaint.
12. At least your creepy racist grandfather doesn’t have a regular audience.
13. Fantasizing how his presidency will end — prison? Managing a Cinnabon in Omaha? — is more thrilling than crack.
14. Sarah Palin doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
15. Ditto for George W. Bush.
16. Melania may get him before anyone else.
17. No matter what happens, he’s the guy who tried — and failed! — to buy Greenland.
18. He won’t be president forever, but footage of Sean Spicer on “Dancing with the Stars” in what the New York Times described as a “floofy neon top” will last exactly that long.
19. There still may be a pee tape.
20. Imagine the movies yet to be made about his downfall.
21. Three words: birth control reminder.
22. Because the only thing more fun than visualizing Jimmy Carter or Ruth Bader Ginsburg kicking his ass is knowing they can actually do it.
23. Who wanted the world to last forever anyway?
24. Hang in there! You’re only a few squares away from winning Trump Bingo.
25. Each time he breathes the rest of us can, too, because it means Mike Pence isn’t president.
26. There’s always a chance this is all just a bad dream.
27. Only 8,208 hours until Election Day 2020.
More at MeredithCarroll.com and on Twitter @MCCarroll.
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