McGrath: Losing Xander and finding Aspen
Aspen resident

We moved our blended family with six kids to Aspen this summer. On Sept. 19, our baby Xander drowned when with a babysitter while we were not at home, three months before his third birthday. He was my miracle baby. His siblings adored him. Losing Xander is still so painful for our family. We want to see his smile and one dimple, to feel again that everything is OK. But it won’t be.
At Aspen Valley Hospital, we met Allison Daily from Pathfinders while a team of about 30 doctors and nurses were trying to resuscitate Xander. We were told that nothing else could be done and we held him in our arms for the last time. Close friends picked up and sat with the other children until we returned home and brought dinner and sat with us in our state of shock, reading and playing with our young boys for hours.
Over the next few weeks, never would more than a few hours pass without Allison, friends, neighbors, teachers, pastors, nurses and doctors from the ER, stopping by or leaving messages just to say, “We are here for you. The community in Aspen is here for you. We don’t know you, but we have your back.” And they did, pulling off a birthday party for our 6-year-old and hosting a reception near the cemetery after Xander’s funeral. Pathfinders volunteers and families of students at the Cottage, Aspen Elementary, and Wildwood Preschool made meals for weeks on end. Every act, large or small, kept us going and kept us here and together as a family.
The beauty of Aspen is not the stunning mountain views, crystal-clear waters, or well-cared for commons. In my darkest time, I saw how lived values transform the Valley into much more than a pretty place to ski. The valley heals because of what the people in it care about. The scenery takes my breath away, but the people in it gave me reasons to keep on breathing.
By allowing our children to explore they develop the strength and tolerance we cherish. Great things are not created by removing dangers or risks, they are created through living well through and despite difficulties. People preserve the community’s essence and resilience by overcoming difficulties together with grace, and showing our children that that matters more than anything.
There is a quality of life here that I have long aspired to. Despite living around the world and around the country, I’ve not witnessed a social fabric like it. Through extraordinary kindness and tangible acts of caring, its inhabitants make Aspen remarkable. It is people choosing to live here, like this, together, that makes Aspen luxurious. They show up and say “We’ve got you” — even when they don’t know you. Acting on faith, the Aspen community honored Xander by showing us they could understand that losing him might mean losing ourselves, and saying, “I don’t know you, but I believe in you. Stay.” And that meant everything.
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