Marolt: Arizona is for haters |

Marolt: Arizona is for haters

Roger Marolt
Roger This

Do you ever wonder what happened to the band of Pharisees, Sadducees and other self-righteous rock hurlers from Jesus’ time? They’ve been laying pretty low since about the time of the Resurrection. I think their descendants may have ended up in Arizona.

You remember. They were the ones who didn’t think the real God would waste his time coming down here to hang out with the prostitutes, thieves and adulterers. Where he forgave, they vowed never to forget. They confused tough love with meanness. They were the originators of wielding religion as a weapon. And they seemed comfortable in hot, dry places. Arizona is a good fit.

You also remember Arizona. It’s the place where “probable cause” is looking like a Mexican. It is the land of shooting first and using common sense later. It’s the place that gave us presidential hope-empty John McCain, who apparently thought the vice president of the United States would be his secretary and any buxom brunette is plenty qualified for that. It is where Martin Luther King Jr. was just another Negro.

In one regard, it seems to me that Jesus and the Arizonans see eye-to-eye rightly when it comes to sin. There are no gray areas between right and wrong. It seems that great minds really do think alike, and so do Arizona voters. The differences between them is that he is 100 percent accurate in gauging right from wrong and will compassionately forgive each and every transgression of ours a million times over. He knows we are not perfect. It is enough for him only that we try.

In Arizona, on the other hand, we have just watched the sanctimonious Legislature of the Grating State of Arizona embrace perfection by attempting to eradicate homosexuality by siege. It has everything to do with religious freedom, you know. Sin is against all religion. Therefore, if you think being gay is a sin, then it is against your religion, and you have the right to protect your religion from other people’s sinning. The contemplated laws of Arizona wouldn’t have allowed them to feed these types of religious violators to the lions; it would have simply allowed the residents of that state to shame and starve them away to other places to live.

Despite the governor’s far-too-late veto, the state’s dark heart is revealed. Take it on faith that the majority of Arizonans think it a good idea to allow businesses the right to refuse to serve people who threaten their religious beliefs by virtue of being sinners. As an owner or manager of a business, you get to decide who that is. It appears that the legislation currently was aimed at gay people. I suppose it is safe to say that the people of Arizona have decided for now that this is the only sin, or at least the worst of them all. Murderers and drug dealers are welcome as long as you are straight and can prove citizenship.

So, the goal is to rid Arizona of homosexuals by denying them groceries and gasoline until they can take no more and either go back into the closet to get a cup of coffee or move to San Francisco for some fast food. Sounds like a terrific plan. Then when the gays are gone, they can go after the adulterers and masturbators, too, and the day they do that, my guess is that the freeways of Phoenix will be congestion free.

I’m not a religious liberal. I don’t believe in moral relativism. I believe that all actions are either intrinsically good or evil, and how I or anyone else chooses to look at them doesn’t change their nature. I can’t justify a wrong into a right. A good end doesn’t validate a foul mean to it. Human nature is the same as it ever was. And evolving times don’t mean that the guiding principles of good moral conduct need to be amended. In short, there is absolute truth, whether we discover it while we are here or not.

What is up to us is how we choose to react to the circumstances and people we encounter. In that regard, I do not believe that your sins affect my moral standing, and I hope you don’t think mine affect yours, either. If I am wrong about this, you are in worse trouble than I. To the people of Arizona who seem to believe that they can save their souls by continuing to be complete assholes to their fellow human beings: I say go straight to — never mind. I think they are well on their way to finding it on their own and have turned their state into a good proxy of it in the meantime.

Roger Marolt hopes the Rockies move their spring training camp to Florida. Contact him at