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Lum: Hisses and kisses

Su Lum
Slumming

Hisses to the colossal wedding misplaced in Little Annie Basin this weekend, produced by people who ought to know better.

Kisses to my friend Fonda Paterson, who came over grinning from ear to ear and presented me with a life-size miniature dachshund purse made of hand-tooled leather. At first I thought it was maroon plastic, made to look like alligator skin, but it’s all soft leather with a zippered pocket in its back containing an elegant chain leash, with a bone-shaped brass zipper pull marked “Fuzzy Couture.” This is one of those times I wish I could run a photo in my column, because it really is beyond words. Thanks, Fonda.

Hisses to whatever they’ve been doing down at Rio Grande Park for what seems like the past hundred years. They finally completed the $500,000 porta-potty, but the construction fences still surround the lower wing of the park, barely concealing a huge stash of boulders. I’m not a fan of “boulder art,” and the city is a major contributor to this trend in Aspen artsy-fartsy, of which the golf-course pond is a screaming example.

We can hope, but cannot expect, that this project may one day be complete and that the boulders will not be the dominant theme.

Kisses to my sweet dentist, Dylan Gibson, for saving my mouth once again, this time in the crush of the Memorial Day holidays, when everyone in town was clamoring for an appointment. Dylan left no one behind. I can chew! Thank you!

Hisses to all the demolition, construction, road work and renovation that has Aspen looking like a war zone. Going to get that all finished before Food & Wine? Good luck.

Even the underpass at the entrance to town (which a reader noted would never be used by sensible women and children after dark) still isn’t finished, and rumors are flying that the massive fines that have accrued for missing deadline after deadline may be waived or reduced. Hell, they should be doubled.

Meanwhile, the art museum inches higher and higher and gets hideouser and hideouser.

Kisses to John Hailey, manager of Aspen’s City Market, well-named because he is Johnny on the Spot: comfortable behind the counters, on the register or bagging groceries. He always asks if I’ve found everything or need anything, and one day I asked him where the Rocky Mountain Butter popcorn had gone. He said he’d check it out, and the next evening he called me at home to say he had found a couple of bags at the El Jebel store and he’d put them aside for me. That’s what I call service above and beyond. Thanks, John.

Hisses and kisses to Aspen Valley Hospital, speaking of colossal.

Hisses: You need more clocks, guys. People go to schools and hospitals and spend a lot of time looking at clocks. And the new doors are heavy and hard to open — there’s a restroom door in Same-day Surgery that you have to throw your whole weight behind, not designed for fragile people. If you were able to swing the sledge hammer and ring the bell, you wouldn’t be in the hospital in the first place.

And why put physical therapy, the cardiac department and, for godssake, Dr. Hahn’s Pain Clinic as far away from the hospital entrance as possible? Some have estimated the distance to be eight miles in halt-and-lame time.

More important, kisses to the loving, caring, professional staff that makes small miseries bearable and large ones as small as possible.

Su Lum is a longtime local who walks a mile to the anti-gravity treadmill. Her column appears every Wednesday in The Aspen Times. Reach her at su@ rof.net.


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