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Tragedy at sea

The USS Dan Quayle, a merchant vessel carrying a load of Corona beer and medicinal marijuana intended to aid in the fight against the current pandemic, was reported briefly out of contact off the coast of Georgia.

The captain of the ship, having called for coffee, and noticing unusually calm seas, ordered the mess steward who brought the coffee to stand watch on the bridge while the captain retired to his cabin to practice his putting.

Unfortunately, the young seaman, recently graduated from boot camp, was unfamiliar with nighttime navigation permitting the ship to sail off-course.

The ship then struck a coral reef and sunk in 15 feet of water.

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No injuries were reported as all crew escaped in lifeboats, although some of the cargo was reported missing.

Former Republican Vice President Quayle, when notified of the incident, replied: “Well, a ship is a terrible thing to lose.”

A spokesman for the administration stated: “No disciplinary action is pending; however, the captain ought to have left his balls and putter at home.”

Fox News declined comment.

Art Allard

Aspen


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