Letter: Painted Pony Ranch secedes from seceding Snowmass caucus, starts own caucus | AspenTimes.com

Letter: Painted Pony Ranch secedes from seceding Snowmass caucus, starts own caucus

You heard it here first. I am pre-seceding from the proposed new Snowmass caucus.

You’ve probably heard that some Snowmass residents are staging a “Snexit” and splitting off from the Snowmass caucus. Initially, I thought, “Really? Why don’t you just show up at meetings and participate in the process?” Frankly, it seems like a pain to start your own caucus every time you disagree with other people in your neighborhood rather than actually showing up at meetings and, you know, talking with one another.

But now I see how “vintage democracy” my views are. They are so last year. Clearly, if you disagree with someone, just start your own caucus! Seceding is the new black — and I, for one, don’t intend to get left behind in this new trend.

It seems that my property is somehow included in the breakaway new caucus’s territory (you’d think I would have been notified for its top-secret double-probation secession vote, but no), so if the proposed caucus operates under the same principles as the ones that launched it (i.e., “If you don’t feel like you’re being heard, secede”), and since I’m sure that I will at some point disagree over the cheap wine they will serve at caucus meetings, my ranch, Painted Pony, hereby is starting its own caucus.

To those who think that I am just launching a protest secession-from-a-secession to illustrate how ridiculous it is to run away from home every time you disagree with your family, clearly you have not been to our new caucus. The Painted Pony Caucus already has cooler stuff than any other caucus in Pitkin County: We have our own flag, a Latin motto (“In Animalia, Veritas”), a hand-designed crest that will go on all of our polo shirts and ascots, a Bill of Human and Animal Rights (way cooler than a master plan) and a signature cocktail (like a mojito but with a pineapple wedge). We even are planning to host our own mutton-busting team, although sheep can be a pain. We talked about building a wall, but after about two minutes of discussion, we decided that it violated our other pledge (“Don’t be Stupid”). So far, our meetings have been convivial and smooth, primarily because our caucus is composed mainly of mini goats, horses, pigs, donkeys and rabbits.

So, great news! Our new breakaway personal caucus has been at it for three weeks, it’s fun, and it totally beats being in a caucus with other people. Not sure how much clout we will have with the Pitkin County Board of Commissioners, but we’ll deal with that problem when we get to it. By seceding.

Kevin Patrick Ward

Old Snowmass


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