Letter: Newest entry in the Devil’s Dictionary | AspenTimes.com
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Letter: Newest entry in the Devil’s Dictionary

Deplorables — n., generally preceded by the definite article, similar to “the untouchables” and “les miserables.”

1. In America, the social caste held in lowest esteem by the rest of the population. Once associated principally with Appalachia and William Faulkner’s Yoknapatawpha County but now thought to encompass virtually all of rural America, from the Southeast to the survivalist haunts in the inner-mountain Northwest

2. A social class thought to be characterized by a high incidence of xenophobia, Islamophobia, homophobia, gynophobia, prosophobia, metathesiophobia and — well, you name it. So fearful is this population that its members own 37.5 guns apiece, making them a far greater threat to national security than those pesky terrorists associated with the religion that can’t be named.

3. The social class whose children are often subject to schoolyard taunts such as “A tisket, a tasket, you belong in a basket” and “Hillary-pillory-dock, you can’t turn back the clock.” In vain do their parents seek to “make deplorables great again.”

4. A social class including many individuals who have never voted in their lives but who are likely to do so in November.

Synonym: The oh-so-white alt-right.

Antonym: The fantastics — the nation’s highest caste, dwelling in Silicon Valley, Tinseltown, Portlandia, Aspen and other centers of urbanity where people read The New York Times, listen to National Public Radio and attend graduate seminars in sensitivity training so as not to stigmatize anyone and be “divisive.”

Chad Klinger

Basalt


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