There, Aspen comrades, is the answer to all our problems |

There, Aspen comrades, is the answer to all our problems

Thankfully we have Aspen City Council and the Pitkin County commissioners to prevent the great unwashed (you and me) from engaging in self-destructive behaviors. How did they slip up and allow restaurant dining? What to do now to make us miserable?

Here’s a suggestion. Aspen has way too many overweight people. Government is here to protect us from ourselves. Make it a criminal offense to consume more than 1,000 calories a day. Contact tracers could be deployed to troll town and check everyone’s “calorie card,” an official government record of a person’s calorie intake. Meal by meal. Snack by snack. Drink by drink. Cheaters could be fined a few hundred dollars, or maybe a percentage of their net worth.

Come on City Council and BOCC. Put on your thinking caps.

Maurice Emmer


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