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Right down the middle

“Both sides should meet in the middle.” “Get rid of the extremes on both sides.” “Work across the aisle.” “Politics is the art of compromise.” And on and on. Here is what that will look like.

Abortion: none. Taxation: cut the top rate and capital gains. Social Security: cut in half. Medicare: reduce by 50%; ditto on Medicaid. Climate change: It does not exist. Defense spending: increase. Farming: Subsidize major corporate farms. EPA: cut by half; no air or water regulations. Guns: no restrictions. 

Voting: no mail-in ballots; states can name any electors they want; no long lines at polling places; guarded by militias. Welfare: recipients must work minimum 20 hours week. Minimum wage: stays at $7.25 hour. Unions: cannot donate to political entities. Black Lives Matter: cannot demonstrate; designated a terrorist organization. 



Religion: subsidies for certain Christian churches; prayer allowed anywhere; political speech allowed. IRS: budget reduced; staff reduced. Government employees: the new Schedule F where civil service rules are abolished; all appointed. Militias: tax deductible. Schools: books banned; parents set curriculums; no history of minorities taught; no science taught. States: free to make any laws they want. Supreme Court: no ethics rules.

California secedes, builds a wall, deports Republicans, and declares nationhood. Recognized by the UN. 




Canada bans entrance by Americans. Mexico finishes the border wall and bans Americans. The capital of the U.S. is moved to Texas. 

Folks: I’m half kidding.

Pat Hunter

Carbondale