Letter: Elevator to heaven
It’s over, friends. Aspen doesn’t even qualify as your daddy’s more modest Fat City anymore. Not when an uppity neighbor gets paid $1.3 million when legally forced to share an elevator with commoners in a three-story building on restaurant row. That must be one helluva elevator. I can’t wait to have sex in it now that it’s open to the public! We won’t worry at all about waking the baby with our late night revelry, as that kind of money will buy an endless supply of the world’s best noise-canceling headphones. From Jimmy’s, it’ll look like Mickey and Minnie Mouse are living across the street, as they roam around their “pentuphouse” atop the world’s shortest skyscraper, their decibel level meter in hand, here in the happiest place on Earth, the best of all possible worlds, the very center of the universe. Allahu akbar!