Know thy Aspenites

I grew up in Aspen, joined the Army, then returned home to retire and enjoy the mountains.

Little did I realize my home town would suffer the fate of occupying foreign forces. The war is over. We lost. Now how do the invaded live with their invaders?

It’s a desperate last-ditch tactic, but a leaflet drop from a cargo plane over town may start the assimilation process. So what is to be written on the leaflets? I reach out to you, the outnumbered, to contribute. Here are a few thoughts.

1. If your server goes back to the kitchen to cry, you probably aren’t ordering politely.

2. If you are riding your E-bike in a group and cars are swerving into ditches, you may not be sharing the road.

3. A Range Rover may not require two parking spots.

4. Chances are, everyone around you is also a VIP, so stay in line.

5. When hiking, you can still smile and say hi when you are out of breath. I’m sure your music blasting from your Jammypack at volume 11 is super cool, but headphones work just fine.

6. Congratulations on closing your multimillion dollar deal, but you don’t need to stop and stand in the middle of traffic while the world pauses for you.

And again, those headphones do work. We were all invaders of Aspen at some point and we all know we thrive on visitors. There is a spirit to this town that would be nice to maintain, but tensions seem to be reaching a critical mass. It feels like a war zone down town. You came here to get away from the drama, so don’t bring it here with you. See you on the trails …

Bobby Williams