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Going rogue

Presidents Week is approaching, and the crowds on our mountains will predictably be terrorized by straight-lining skiers and boarders ripping through congested “slow zones,” despite patrollers’ unsuccessful efforts to enforce speed control.

Instead of subjecting all to the hazards and havoc created by a few, why not segregate the risk and create designated “fast zones?” Some simple rules would apply to enter these areas:

— No helmets



— No turns

— No health insurance




— Ski width no less than 110 mm

— At least one article of clothing must be unzipped and flapping wildly

— Blood-alcohol level must exceed I.Q. Other mind-altering substances may be substituted on a case by case basis.

— A signed pledge to never accept personal responsibility … for anything

Given the Dunning-Kruger effect in cognitive psychology (whereby people with low ability at a task — in this case skiing/boarding — consistently tend to overestimate their ability), the laws of Newtonian Physics, and Darwin’s cruel, but relentlessly efficient Theory of Natural Selection, this problem should resolve itself over time.

Michael Katz

Aspen


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