Cliff diving with the GOP |

Cliff diving with the GOP

Glenn Beaton’s cutesy column using “Thelma and Louise” for his analogy of the Democrats after the election made me jealous (“Thelma and Louise and the Democrats,” Feb. 19, The Aspen Times). Jealous because there’s no movie ever made that can be used to describe the first month of Trump’s regime. It’s more like a bad acid trip. Not orange sunshine, either. Orange bat guano, and you never get to come down from this dark bat s— crazy bad trip.

We’re told that the liberal crybabies have been throwing a temper tantrum since Trump’s election. Unlike the Republicans, these left-wing snivelers can’t accept the result of the election. Be adults. Be more like the Republicans that never acted like this when Obama won. Grow up. Give Trump a chance.

Let’s make a deal. The liberals will act like adults if we can get the $50 million the Republicans spent “investigating” Hillary during the Starr Report. Plus the $7 million spent on Trey Goudy’s Benghazi investigation. $57 million seems equitable. Some protest, some spend taxpayer dollars on a politically motivated witch hunt. Same thing, only better financed.

Hillary survived without a criminal charge. Her reputation was ruined, but she came away clean. Will Trump? Seems only fair as patriotic, nonpartisan Americans that we should find out.

Despite the sins of the Obama administration, Trump has reigned over more scandals in one month than Obama allowed in eight years. His national security adviser resigned for talking future policy with the Russians? Seems a tad more serious than “Fast and the Furious.” North Korean missile crisis discussed in front of country club members at Trump’s resort? Raise the price of admission for that amount of access. Hell, let the Russians join the club. Way easier than tapping communications when you can just pull out your phone and take a selfie with the dude carrying the nuclear football.

Insulting our nearest neighbor? Hanging up on our closest ally? Threatening the NATO alliance? Supporting the breakup of the EU? Is Trump the president of the United States, or Vladimir Putin’s wet dream?

I think we’ve already given him a chance.

It will be amusingly interesting in this valley when he deports all the Hispanics. Talk about an economic nightmare. Think about it. Oh, never mind. Thinking is not a strong trait among the gloating Republicans.

When you dig down into Beaton’s column you find his true motivations. Americans are “celebrating their soaring 401(k)s.” Despite the jitters that investors are famous for, the idea that Trump will lower taxes on corporations, reduce regulations and rescind environmental laws has sent the markets to euphoric heights. Greed trumps rational thought.

One day soon the bizarre behavior of this menace to the Earth will trigger the inevitable downturn. Our little tweetie-pie’s bumbling recklessness will jitter the guano out of Wall Street and it will all come crashing down. Practice these words, “Welcome to Wal-Mart.”

Please. Give Democrats the $57 million the Republicans wasted “investigating” Hillary. It will be spent wisely. America can’t let Trump drive us all over the cliff.

Johnny Boyd