At last, Susan B. Anthony can rest in peace
Hold everything! Stop the presses!
President Trump will be signing a full and complete pardon for Susan B. Anthony, who was arrested in 1872 for casting a vote in her hometown of Rochester, New York.
Although convicted, the authorities took no further legal action against her.
This posthumous pardon clears her name forever, in order that Ms. Anthony may rest easy and enjoy all of the comforts Heaven has to offer.
To make absolutely sure that Ms. Anthony directly receives the message, I shall be participating in a séance this afternoon.
Details to follow.