Aspen residents show their age |

Aspen residents show their age

Recently an inter-generational symposium held at the Aspen Center for Cognizant Dissonance, located east of the roundabout, featured a discussion between different generations of Aspenites. Topics ranged from texting while skateboarding on city streets to removing dentures while riding RFTA buses for free.

Axe-Gen (19-39) complained that Generation X (40-52) were hoarding the best jobs as real estate agents, sommeliers and personal concierges, and that they had bought up all the once-inexpensive downvalley housing before Axe-Gen got here. On top of that, Axe-Gen complained that Generation-Survivors (53-75) were squatting in employee housing after their useful years had passed.

As a result, the Axe-Gen committee said they were hard pressed to find employee housing to reproduce in. They also pointed out that Generation-Survivors get in the way on ski runs, won’t step aside during bowl hikes, take too long in the crosswalks, and are difficult to look at close-up.

Generation-Z, or “iGen,” (5-22) accused Axe-Gen of hogging the Rio Grande skateboard park as well as taking up too much water space on the North Star Preserve during the summer. The iGens said that Axe-Gen should downsize their paddleboard groups or move off the river so the iGens could recreate there.

A representative from the Greatest Generation (93-107) said that the lot of them were creating too many roads and mountain bike trails and fragmenting habitat among indigenous animals, which were getting splattered on the highways.

A few Generation Alphas (1-4), who came with their parents, cried or screamed “No, no, no.”

Tim Cooney