Adding levity to a difficult situation
Dear Mayor Steve Skadron,
Despite our differences, we both love and are devoted to this community. I want to be honest before the humor. I think it’s really dishonorable that you can’t take the time to respond to an 82-year-old widow whose future house is tied up in political eviction. All we ask is the opportunity to show compliance. I joined Aspen Words so I could use satire and be safe from your pet attorney’s attempts to criminalize the first amendment.
These days our politicians are just boring blowhards; whereas, our revolutionary forefathers deeply respected a good fight. One of the more famous duels back in the day occurred when Vice President Aaron Burr fatally wounded former Secretary of Treasury Alexander Hamilton in a high noon shootout.
Taking inspiration from the Roger Marolt/Aspen Times and Lo Semple/Aspen Daily News yearly SKI throw down and celebrating the recent court declaration that Skico’s ban on a whistleblower from public lands is unconstitutional: Why not a Lee Mulcahy/Skadron flip-off at the base of Aspen? Set up bleachers and the whole town could come. Skico could use the Little Nell suite above Ajax Tavern as a VIP section for the Aspen Institute and Art museum crowd. Cheerleaders? Would your buddies the CEO of Aspen Art Museum Heidi Zuckerman and billionaire artist and owner of Aspen Skiing Co. Paula Crown bring pom-poms and go all Dallas Cowboys for you?
It’ll be hilarious: Skadron versus Mulcahy. Lifetime politician versus deplorable/Burlingame Ranch artist. Big government versus Bundy Ranch freedom supporter. Democrat versus Republican. Liberal versus conservative. Minneapolis/St. Paul urbanite versus rural Cowtown USA: Fort Worth, Texas. Globe-trotting Al Gore-fied green savior verssus pick-up driving Skico whistleblower. Aspen Institute “limousine liberal” versus “Don’t tread on me” #NRA/Tea Party occupier. Northeastern? MBA versus union-organizing Sorbonne-attending PhD. Ski versus snowboard. Power versus 99 perecent.
How ’bout a moguls contest on Scarlett’s instead of all this legal stuff in courts benefiting your sue-happy private lawyer (who famously sued another citizen for trying to use the Colorado Open Records Act.)
Man to man. The Old Guard of Aspen would love it and it’s so in line with our local history. But if I win, you’ll support a minimum wage increase with your fellow council members, I get my old Skico job back & the Mulcahys get to keep the house we built with our own hands. Full disclosure: I was freestyle aerial certified.
These protests all over the world have the same message: Hey, 1 percent! Be fair and treat us with dignity.
And that’s the paradox of the public space, everyone may kind of know something unpleasant, but once someone says it, it changes everything. Therefore, the owner of Aspen, Lester Crown, that you slobber over yourself to praise is a billionaire who cried on the witness stand, admitted to bribing public officials, later lied about it and got caught again. Repeatedly. Worse, he’s a merchant of death. What was that Dan Sheridan song that Skico still bans? “Big money ruins everything”?
So back to skiing, mayor, are you in?
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An entrepreneur’s plea for a rushed commitment from Crown Mountain Park directors on his proposal for a 90,000-square-foot, indoor “sportsplex” should be delayed for proper vetting.