’A Qanon Christmas’
An empty mind is so easy to fill
With BS, no less, and conspiratorial swill
The bigger, the juicier, the fatter the lie
The less likely standards for Truth apply
The appetite for whoppers seems unlimited
(Why not? The president’s permitted it)
Especially from Q and the Qumanoids
Tweeting lies and fumin’ noise
Word is Q’s a cowboy wearing far-right fringes
Who fights for rights the left impinges
He rides a stallion, a stud steed named Hoax
And that’s the truth, according to gullible folks
Q often states stuff just to enrage us
Which the Qumanoids Tweet, to make contagious
The planet is round, Q says, to win one’s trust
Then adds, Beware! It’s a huge pizza crust
Where Fauci hides under a large pepperoni
Concocting a vaccine that’s dangerous and phony
While Biden plots (from the left-Leaning Tower of Pizza)
To eliminate all Qumanoids with a plan that completes a
Takeover of America, God’s greatest creation
And makes the U.S. a wimpy vacciNation
There is no pandemic, it’s a ploy Q blames
On the Dems, always playing their devious games
Wow! Q’s right! Q can see through it all
Now, Qumanoids will devotedly heed the call
The Insurrection Act is what they want to impose
Which ensures Qumanoid membership grows
Gotta insure erections, a wise member said
Better than Head Start, dem dumb Dems wanted instead
Facts? Do Qumanoids pay attention?
Science? Too hard for retention?
Research? Don’t ever dare mention?
Intelligence? That’s elitist pretention?
But obeisance to Q—that’s not stupid
Never! Q is sweet love; just ask Qupid
So, don’t ever let Truth ruin your day
After all, that would take Santa away!
Embrace conspiracies; Santa’s reindeer do-do
And perhaps he’ll gift you a higher IQ
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Editor’s note: This letter was directed to Aspen City Council and Mayor Torre.