A bunch of monarchy | AspenTimes.com

A bunch of monarchy

On my second day as King Climate I’d teach everyone in my kingdom about the incredible inefficiency of propane outdoor heaters. They emit infrared light 360 degrees around heating up my cold beer, the sidewalk and even faraway walls. Only a very small percentage hits a few people. They continuously waste hot air, all of which just rises above the al fresco diners and the wind takes it away to Greenland.

I’d tell my people, “Just wear a sweater.” I’d mention that our grandchildren will pay for our unsustainable ways. Since this is my fantasy, they recycle all of theirs and never buy another one.

Your king is going to mull over for a while what my third day will be. Just check the headlines. It will be gonzo and fun to read.

Tom Mooney


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