Xplaining what it all means
If you think a McTwist is on the menu at McDonald’s, it’s time to bone up on your Xterminology and start incorporating the letter X into your truncated vocab, dude.Just tear out this handy tricktionary, stuff it in your back pocket and consult it as needed this weekend. Unless your back pocket is sagging halfway to your knees. Then you probably don’t need it.The X Games, XplainedMoto: Because it takes too long to say “motor.”Vert: Because it takes too long to say “vertical.” As in monster vert, or the passé, big air.Invert: Inverted, upside down. Can mean big style points, unless the landing is invert.SnoCross: Snowmobile race event – across the snow. It takes too long to include the “w” in snow, not to mention “mobile.”Layback: Prone position, preferably on sofa, where X Games can be viewed with minimal effort/inconvenience.Backside grab: Quick move to keep pants from falling beyond half-butt exposure while vert.Frontside grab: Risky maneuver. Score big or get escorted from X Games venue to face possible assault/perv charge, depending upon nature of frontside contact.Backside/frontside press: Queue for the bus back to town at close of day’s X Games events.Stomp: Clean landing, or way to keep feet warm while standing around in the snow at Buttermilk. See Layback as alternative to latter maneuver.Knuckle touch: Failed stomp.Tailbone: Painful variation on stomped landing. Crippler: Best performed inadvertently, while trying to cross Aspen streets in ski boots. Low degree of difficulty in the launch with potential for big payout (as in, you pay the hospital) on the landing.Handplant: Feeble attempt to abort a crippler.Nose press: 1. Performed on rails, boxes etc. by pressing nose of snowboard onto rail while body defies gravity over airspace, or 2. pressing face longingly against window of establishment that is already crowded beyond recommended capacity.180: (pronounced one-eighty) 1. Half a revolution, or 2. Half-hearted civil disobedience.360: Duh540: See above.720: (pronounced “seven-twenty”) 1. Two full revolutions, or 2. What time you should leave Buttermilk on Saturday night to avoid backside/frontside press, not to mention a nose press upon arrival back in town.McTwist: 1. Invert 540 in the pipe, or 2. A new twist on the X Gamer’s favorite staple – the burger. The restaurant runs out of meat, so you just get a condiment-slathered bun. Same price, though.McFlip: Invert variation of the crippler.Stalefish: 1. Grabbing heel edge of board between bindings with trailing hand, as opposed to front end of board (nosebone stalefish). No, really. 2. Sushi night after another Aspen power outage.Bonehead: Anybody over age 35 purposely attempting vert or invert of any kind.The layback is Janet Urquhart’s best move. E-mail yours at firstname.lastname@example.org
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“Many of these stoic commuters endure brain-numbing traffic jams so they can service vacant mega homes, making sure all the lights are on and that the snowmelt patios, driveways, sidewalks and dog runs are thoroughly heated so as to evaporate that bothersome white stuff that defines Aspen’s picturesque winter landscape and ski economy,“ writes Paul Andersen.