What’s love got to do with it?
There’s nothing like Valentine’s Day to turn up the heat, and I’m not talking romance in front of a crackling fire. The pressure is on. Produce a suitable token of your affection or it won’t be the chestnuts that are roasting.Face it, dude, you’ve got the weekend to come up with something that makes her melt on Monday. So, when a six-pack won’t do – and this is one of those times – put your heart into it.Likewise, women ought to pony up with something sentimental, even when a six-pack will do – and this is one of those times.Unfortunately, Valentine’s Day is a veritable land mine for lovers. One misstep and your relationship could blow up faster than the inflate-a-date you’ll be holding if cupid misses the mark. Remember, ’tis better to give than to receive, but hand your girlfriend, the nongolfer, a case of Titleists, and you’ll never get the chance to pull out your putter.The Valentine – An obvious, but sometimes overlooked necessity. If you can’t muster the courage to pen something mushy, Hallmark will do it for you. A valentine tells the recipient you care – at least enough to stop in at the drugstore and spring for a card. If you sign it with a personal note of affection, a valentine is often all you need to warm a loved one’s heart.What it might also mean: You’re cheap.Dozen roses – Red, the long-stemmed variety. The classic Valentine’s Day offering. Very effective, rather pricey and don’t wait till the last minute or the best you’ll be able to do is hand her a bouquet of trimmed stems from the florist’s floor.What it might also mean: You’re not terribly creative.Lingerie – Tricky, but it can do the trick. Buy something lacy in a size too large, though, and your privileges may be revoked. Same deal if it’s a size too small – she’ll think you’re wishful thinking. Actually, wishful thinking is often what prompts such a gift in the first place.What it might also mean: You’re bored in the boudoir.Poetry – If you’re the reincarnation of Lord Byron, go for it. If the best prose you can offer begins, “Roses are red …,” you may want to borrow a few lines from a published scribe that express your feelings far better than you can. Hopefully, it’s not Dr. Seuss. There’s nothing like a few well-written love lines to show you’re a romantic at heart.What it might also mean: You’re a plagiarist at heart.Candy – Chocolate can be the perfect offering for your sweetheart, but don’t overdo. A little goes a long way. Not a good gift for the carb conscious.What it might also mean: You had no idea your snugglebunny was diabetic.Candlelight dinner – Kudos on this one. Slaving away in the kitchen is a great way to show your love chunks you care, unless the best you can do is something called Mock Chicken Casserole. Never mock poultry on Valentine’s Day, or any other day.What it might also mean: You procrastinated and couldn’t get a reservation anywhere.Janet Urquhart is making a dinner reservation. Her e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org
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