‘Twas the night before Christmas… | AspenTimes.com

‘Twas the night before Christmas…

Janet Urquhart
Aspen, CO Colorado

‘Twas the night before Christmas, but all through the trailer

not a light was a-twinkling, was it power-grid failure?

Nope, the fat, colored bulbs were all stored in their place,

to prevent a transgression ” wanton energy waste.

And as for the tree, O Tannebaum of yore,

that, too, was a no-no ” so said Al Gore.

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Gas up the Humvee, go cut down a spruce,

spew harmful emissions ” an inconvenient truth.

But a manufactured tree means by-products scary

You just never know what’ll kill the canary.

For that matter, gifts could only mean trouble,

climate warnings had burst my yuletide bubble.

So I turned down the heat, and snuggled in bed

and hoped for a visit from the fat guy in red.

Or would climatic concerns keep him away;

Could a planet in peril keep Santa at bay?

The polar ice caps are melting,

could the North Pole be gone?

The oceans are rising,

what more could go wrong?

I puzzled and puzzled till my puzzler was sore;

Maybe Christmas, I thought, means a little bit more

than not baking cookies, not gobbling the juice,

doing my part not to tighten the noose.

I awoke with a start, to a sound on the roof

The prancing and pawing of thirty-two hoofs.

Let’s see, eight reindeer, multiplied by four…

Yeah, that’s right. I sprang to the door.

He was dressed all in fur, despite global warming,

I guess it was chilly, a cold front was forming.

His cheeks were all rosey, his eyes gleamed like coal “

A fossil fuel ore! The sight stirred my soul.

He spoke not a word, but turned to his task,

arranging my gifts, between swigs from a flask;

He brought me a tree, and trimmed it right quick,

with LED lights on a switch I could flick.

I asked prying questions ’bout his carbon footprint;

if he had concerns, he gave not a hint.

The deer ran on grasses and hay, he explained;

they emit only rather unpleasant methane.

The bounty before me was nothing but green,

there were miser appliances, hybrid machines,

some energy-efficient lighting replacements,

the latest in solar and hydro amazements.

Then he sprang to his sleigh, sleek as a rocket

and pulled to his face, a kerchief from his pocket;

And I heard him exclaim, as he tied it on tight.

“Prancer’s got gas, and to all a good night.”

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