Turkey – it’s what’s for breakfast
Turkey – it’s what’s for dinner, and breakfast, and lunch and snack time.
With a little menu planning, you can have those leftovers cleared out of the fridge in time for Christmas. Remember, it’s not how much you eat, it’s how often. Think of today as the first day of the rest of your Thanksgiving and dine accordingly.
Breakfast: Prepare omelet, fold egg over bits of turkey bits (giblets optional). Serve with side of toast and cranberry sauce spread.
Mid-morning snack: Rummage through fridge. Pull out remainder of green bean casserole, pluck off and consume the crunchy onion things. Return casserole to fridge. Pull out leftover baked yams. Consume remaining marshmallow topping. Put yams back.
Lunch: At last, the first turkey sandwich. (The one you ate last night doesn’t count, as it was merely an extension of the Thanksgiving feast.) Pull out fresh bread, crisp lettuce and mayo. Note expiration date on mayo, which you purchased for Thanksgiving last year, has passed. Ignore this. If making sandwiches for the family, prepare your loved ones’ lunch first, using the small pieces of dark meat that fall out en masse when the sandwich is en route to the mouth. Then, while they struggle, slip out your secret stash of perfect, broad slices of white meat from behind the Jello salad and layer a generous share over the suspect mayo.
Mid-afternoon snack: Attribute slight queasiness to hunger, not mayo. Head for fridge. Pull out leftover green bean casserole. Note crunchy onion things have all been removed. Put it back. Search cupboards for can of crunchy onion things and take nourishment directly from the source.
Appetizer: Pull out yams. Note all marshmallow topping is gone. Substitute whipped cream for marshmallow topping. Substitute pumpkin pie for yams.
Dinner: Finally. You’re starved. Toss lump of mashers, lump of stuffing and chunks of turkey in a bowl. Spoon jiggling lump of congealed gravy on top. Nuke until gravy reverts to liquid state. Serve with recent vintage of milk, preferably chilled.
Dessert: More pie.
Seconds on dessert: Whipped cream, straight from the can.
Late-night snack: Malox.
Breakfast: Heat up green bean casserole. Feed to the dog. Prepare strong pot of coffee to treat food hangover.
Mid-morning snack: Skip it.
Lunch: Reveal secret stash of white meat in sandwich-sized slices to household. Let them make their own sandwiches. Place remaining yams in blender and set on puree for experimental smoothie. Introduce experiment to garbage disposal, followed by Jello salad. Nibble a turkey leg.
Mid-afternoon snack: Hey, who ate the rest of the pie?
Dinner: Toss remaining mashers, stuffing and chunks of turkey in a bowl. Spoon remaining congealed gravy on top. Cover securely and place in freezer next to last year’s leftover leftovers. Dine out.
Dessert: Is there any whipped cream left?
Toss out the rest of that mayo. Admire spacious fridge. Begin holiday baking.
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“If I was moving through the herd, the others would begin walking away, some of them at a jog, taking their calves with them, but the big brown ungulate would face me sideways, reluctant to move, not wanting to give any ground,” writes Tony Vagneur.