Su Lum: Update on the missing pants
Every now and then someone will stop me and ask, “Hey, did you ever get your pants back?”They are referring to a column I wrote back in mid-April, titled “Seen my pants?” Actually my headline was, “Who STOLE my pants?” but it didn’t fit – that’s how it is in the newspaper biz.Anyway, the column was about finding a perfect pair of black knit pants at All Us Ladies, a clothing shop in Basalt, which I didn’t realize were special until I got them home and put them on, and calling the store to have their last three pair put on my card and set aside for me for pick up. That small event occurred in mid-February.Others, including his wife, have since chided me on my choice of courier for this assignment: our downvalley ad rep, Bryan (“Lieutenant”) Welker, who was then traveling frequently between Basalt and Aspen.By the time I wrote the column, demoting the Lieutenant to Private, the pants had been missing in action for two months. They had been picked up at All Us Ladies and then – poof – disappeared. Maybe they had been left in another client’s store or office, maybe they had been lost in the shuffle when the Lieutenant’s apartment had a flash flood, maybe (still my theory) he set the bag of pants down somewhere and somebody STOLE them.The column triggered a letter to the editor from Trish at All Us Ladies, in which she implored me to reinstate Pvt. Welker to Lieutenant status, and offered to replace the missing pants. All I had to do was send the originals back down to the shop, so she’d know what to order.Back with the Lieutenant, in the interest of his redemption, went the original pair. Weeks, maybe months passed before I got those back. Then the Lieutenant reported that the new pants had arrived at All Us Ladies, but they needed the original pair back again to make sure they had the right style, so again I was with no pants.Weeks, maybe months passed, and I asked, “Lieutenant, what’s the status of my &%$#@*! PANTS?” He said they were still in his CAR, because he wouldn’t entrust them to anyone but Trish. Better to give them to anyone at All at All Us Ladies than to keep them in your CAR, I said, and next thing I knew I had my original pair and new pairs of pants on my desk this week, thus ending this saga.So no, I never got my pants back – they’ve gone into unmatched socks Neverland, but I did get replacements thanks to All Those Ladies. And now it’s the middle of July and too hot to wear them. By the time it gets cool again (we WISH) they will probably be hopelessly out of style. I will wear them anyway! Meanwhile, it will probably be a cold day in hell before the Lieutenant – who is mightily relieved that his ordeal is over – does me any more favors, and vice versa.[Su Lum is a longtime local whose lessons learned are: try it on first, if you like it buy several, and don’t mess with Mr. Inbetween. Her column appears every Wednesday in The Aspen Times.]
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