Roger Marolt: Why God made accountants | AspenTimes.com

# Roger Marolt: Why God made accountants

They say that God made the world in six days before putting us on it. Remember he didn’t do anything on Sunday. He rested.

From this evidence, scientists from Texas have concluded that, most likely, the Earth was created in the fall during football season. But, that’s debatable and will be discussed in this column at a future time. For the present, we will focus this discussion on God’s work week.

Before we can talk intelligently about this though, we have to do a little math and put this in terms we can relate to. First, we all have to accept the premises that Heaven does not rotate around our sun, that God does not use the Aztec calendar, and that Heaven’s days are clearly not the same length as ours. (Scientists first came to this conclusion in 1977 shortly after Dr. T.G. Ifriday proved that happy hour is longer there.)

Anyway, to further this discussion we have to do a little math so that we are comparing pears to paradise.

In round numbers, we speculate that Earth existed for about 4 billion of our years before human beings first appeared on it. So, if we divide the age of the earth in our years by the age of the earth in His days, we calculate that each of His days is the equivalent of 666…Excuse me, out of respect let’s round up and call it 667 million of our years.

Now we have to agree on how long humans have lived on this planet. To save the local taxpayers the cost of an election I’ll just say that we’ve lived here for about 6 million years.

Your curiosity is killing you isn’t it? “Where the heck is he going with this one?” you ask. Okay, I’ll tell you. We can use this information to calculate how long we humans have been on the planet in God’s time. Cool, huh?

Well let’s see…That would be six million divided by four billion, times six days, times twenty-four hours, times sixty minutes. What the …? Can it be true? If the timeline of the world was compressed into six days, we, and by this I mean the entirety of human beings’ being, haven’t even been on the planet for thirteen minutes.

That’s perspective for you. It hardly makes cutting the grass seem important.

Think about it! In this context, the last major ice age peaked about ten minutes ago. If that’s not evidence of global warming I don’t know what is. Likewise, the great pyramids of Egypt were built just over half a second ago. And, we can’t even remember who the architect was.

Wow! If we can’t keep track of that, what chance is there of anyone remembering that nifty spreadsheet I made at work today or that I’m this close to closing the Jaworski deal?

So then I start thinking. God can do a lot of things in short order. You remember, he fed the unwashed masses with a couple of fish and a few loaves of bread, saved a wedding feast by turning water into wine, he parted the Red Sea, and on, and on. Well, those things didn’t seem to take a whole lot of time. Why did it take him four billion of our years to roll out this ball of clay we call home?

After awhile I realized that my thinking about time was warped. All of this talk about our years and God’s days is pretty arbitrary when viewed in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps the World was created in an instant.

You want Poof? Well, if you accept that whatever exists beyond what we can see goes on forever, then any dimension of that is infinite; space, time, or otherwise.

Further, if you divide any number by infinity you end up with the same answer. That’s right, zero. Check it out: My age- 41 divided by infinity: Zero. The age of the earth- 4 billion years (or six days) divided by infinity: Zero. The age of the universe- 20 billion divided by infinity; you guessed it: Zero. (Alright, so technically the answer is not zero, but rather a number approaching zero that so closely resembles zero that it is indistinguishable from zero. Or, like I said, zero.)

Do you get it? No matter how long it took God to make the Earth it really amounts to zero. He created this planet in what amounts to a snap of the fingers. POOF positive!

And there you have it. We don’t even register as a blip on the radar screen of eternity.

That’s heady stuff! In terms of time, my existence on Earth registers a big fat zip, zilch, nil, nothing.

But this can’t be right: My dream home is just a rest stop on the altered states’ highway to perpetuity? My career is only a means to an end that will never come? My time in America’s Uphill doesn’t matter?

There’s got to be something; something we can wrap this mixed-up existence in to make it worthwhile. Some ribbon we can tie around our lives to make them beautiful and impervious to time. Something that we can carry with us when we leave this life. What a beautiful Christmas present it would be to find that certain thing in time…

[Roger Marolt hopes we can all find happiness and joy in the present this Christmas. You can contact him at roger@maroltllp.com]

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