Lovin’ Bode no matter what
I think Bode Miller and I should date.First of all, let me say I love the guy. He’s so totally my type: unshaven, about 20 pounds overweight, a natural born athlete and a wild party boy. I love his New England reserve, the way he pretends not to care about what people think of him, though I have a feeling if we were to cuddle up by the fire for a few, his sensitive side might come out. That’s what the whole attraction is about, trying to crack the tough guy’s shell. I love that. From what I hear, he’s a big womanizer, and I usually fall for those types. You know, the guy your brother and father put a bounty on even after you willingly give him your body, heart and soul even though he told you he didn’t want it.Everyone is freaking out on him for the way he conducted himself at the Olympics, but it seems to me like he was probably the coolest guy on the ski team. Call me crazy, but I think he’s just toying with the media, swatting them around like the little mosquitoes that they are and being quite the little provocateur. Bode, honey, I understand you. Everyone freaked out on me when I tried joking around about the spoiled fat rich kids on the bunny hill at Snowmass. Call a kid retarded or mention that you were wasted during a race, and everyone wants to jump down your flipping throat. People really need to mellow out on us. They need to understand we’re just playing. I can also understand why Bode wanted to downplay caring about his performance in the Olympics. The guy received so much attention beforehand it was ridiculous. Everyone loved him when he was an “Olympic hopeful” and put him on a pedestal because of his past accomplishments, like winning the World Cup title last year. Let’s not forgot the guy did win two silver medals in Salt Lake in 2002. But according to those of us in America who won’t settle for second best, it’s no longer considered “winning the silver” but “losing the gold.” That is such bull sheet. Today’s headlines nationwide say things like, “Bode Miller: He’s the biggest bust in Olympic history,” and “Bode Miller turned out to be the bad boy who was simply bad,” and “Bode Miller’s Olympic rings: 0 for 5.” Ouch! That’s almost as bad as “Skico bids good riddance to Princess” and “Petulant princess given walking papers.”The guy is the classic underachiever. He’s got so much natural talent, it was probably too easy for him to transcend the ranks of the U.S. Ski Team and the World Cup circuit than any other skier in history, which is precisely why he was the first one to do so. May I remind you that before Bode came along, the U.S. alpine program was pathetic, producing only a few skiers who cracked the top ten over the past several decades. So the guy is drunk half the time and his priorities are more about picking up chicks the night before the race than they are about winning it. Don’t you get it? By getting laid, he can be a hero in his own mind no matter what the press thinks. I’m sure those girls in Italy pinned beneath him in his little RV had better headlines the next day than the newspapers did.I can relate to the whole underachiever thing. I’m so competitive I can’t stand to compete. By age 11, I figured out that only one person gets to win, so why even bother? I was also sort of like that when it came to getting good grades, taking the SAT, and getting into a good college. I went to a pussy ass prep school in central Massachusetts where I got to play all varsity sports because half the student body was wealthy kids from countries like Japan where women’s sports weren’t a priority. I pretty much giggled my way down the ski racecourse, cracked everyone up on the soccer field, and was even voted captain of my lacrosse team because I was one of the only players who actually spoke English.The good thing about being a rebellious is when you actually focus enough to do something well, everyone is pleasantly surprised. Hello, it’s no accident I turned out that way. When you grow up with parents who met at Yale and sent you to a college counselor in eighth grade, you’re bound to end up drinking vodka straight from the bottle in the middle of the night on the eighth hole of the golf course before you’re old enough to drive. I remember that first appointment, the college counselor lady looked at my parents and said, “I hate to rain on your parade, but this kid isn’t going to Yale.” It was a devastating moment for them for sure, but for me it was a ticket to freedom.Don’t be ridiculous. I’m sure Bode wanted to do well in the Olympics. I’m sure he wanted to win, and I’m sure he was pissed at himself when he didn’t. What he didn’t want was to do it on everyone else’s terms. From what I hear, there’s enough bureaucratic rigmarole at the Olympics that the athletes start to feel like they’re in some sort of demented prison, or communist country. There’re all these weird rules about having to wear certain clothes at certain times and stuff like that.All I can say to Miller is, gold medal, gold shmedal: In the long run, it’ll Bode you well to just to be yourself.Bode Miller’s people can e-mail the Princess’s people at email@example.com
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