Janet Urquhart: Wanna share my timeshare?
It’s time I jumped on this Aspen timeshare trend with one of my own. Anybody want to buy a week at my place?
If the Hyatt Grand Aspen can sell 17 days in a one-bedroom pad for a starting price of $85,000 and a luxo-house on the Roaring Fork can command three grand a night, I figure a couple of weeks in a suite at Casa del Caca should be worth a wad of crisp bills with Ben Franklin’s picture on them.
Talk about a chance to experience the real Aspen. Nothing sterile or elegantly appointed about these funky digs. Instead, it’s the perfect place to relax and put your feet up on the furniture. Forget about creature comforts. You can have actual creatures.
And yet, this one-of-a-kind timeshare opportunity is located just minutes from downtown Aspen, if you’re a fast walker.
Want your personal family photos displayed on the mantel when you arrive? No problemo. Just make sure you bring a mantel with you.
Forget the impersonal services of some remote concierge at the other end of a phone line. Casa del Caca comes with a full-time, on-site staff (I have to live somewhere). Maid services include reminding you to take your shoes off at the front door.
The wine cellar is fully stocked with several boxed vintages for all your entertaining needs, and the gourmet kitchen awaits someone who knows how to cook. Your personable staff of one will fill the fridge with your choice of goodies, assuming the standard provisions ” two varieties of mustard, a half-stick of rock-hard butter, expired mayo and a six-pack of beer ” don’t meet your culinary needs.
The in-home theater doubles as the living room, featuring an entertainment system of incomparable quality. No, really. You have to see and hear it to believe it. A boundless selection of films includes whatever you can find on TV or at a local video store.
Amenities include a Jacuzzi. Well, it’s sort of a bathtub, but a manually operated eggbeater is provided for those who want to froth it up a bit.
An outdoor hot tub is located just steps from the master bedroom. Hop over the fence and you’re in. As an added bonus, the tub area has been outfitted with outdoor speakers so you can listen to amplified music from the comfort of your bed at any time of the day or night.
Aspen’s legendary nightlife is a close as the suite upstairs. Talk about dancing on the ceiling. Be sure to wrangle yourself an invite ’cause you’re going to be awake until the party’s over anyway.
Naturally, your fully furnished Aspen abode comes with fitness facilities and a personal trainer to supervise your invigorating morning workout routine. Snow shovel provided.
Janet Urquhart used to think “paper-thin walls” was just an expression. Her e-mail address is email@example.com
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Aspen School District is not the only district in the country facing teacher shortages as schools across the nation are struggling to find available staff to fill gaps in teacher positions, writes Teen Spotlight columnist Beau Toepfer. Still, the district has faced challenges with teacher retention and replacement this year.