Janet Urquhart: I kneel before Aspen’s ‘Princess’
I wish I was The Princess.
Famous unemployed. Not bad for a day’s work.
I’ve been proffering inane observations in this column for years and I’ve never come close to basking in the notoriety my fellow Times columnist, best known as The Princess, is currently enjoying. Her claim to fame came in sharing her uncensored thoughts on what goes through the mind of a snowboard instructor baby-sitting putzes on the bunny hill at Snowmass all day.
It made me laugh. I guess the execs at the Aspen Skiing Co. weren’t nearly as amused.
I’m not surprised she got canned, but it got me to thinking. What could I write that would spring me to stardom, get me a gig on talk radio, and free me from the daily toil of employment, albeit in a paycheck-free sort of way?
Yeah, The Princess has hit the mother lode. I don’t remember the last time a local newspaper column generated so many letters to the editor. They’re either scathing or they’re praising her. Either way, they’re gold.
Every columnist knows the true value of correspondence from readers, especially the ones who suggest you stick your hand in a garbage disposal the next time you feel the urge to write something. Column fodder!
It’s every columnist’s dream to receive enough mail ” preferably hate mail ” to fill up a column with the invariably amusing rants of readers who’ve had their sense of humor surgically removed. It’s a column freebie. No need to think up something to write about. Just reprint the inconsequential ravings of the disgruntled, most of whom take themselves so seriously that no one else can.
So, who can I ridicule? Clearly, mocking myself hasn’t done the trick.
I made fun of Wisconsin once, years ago, and sparked a couple of responses from miffed cheeseheads. Their jabs were delightfully pointed, but mercifully brief ” hardly enough to fill this space.
On another occasion, after making fun of my abilities on cross-country skis, I received a gift certificate for some free nordic skiing at a place in Marble. I never used it and it expired, but it’s still here on my desk.
No, my best work to date was in eliciting an anonymous rebuke from a Denver reader with a spelling disorder, who suggested: Now that’s a letter, though it was never published, as it came to us unsigned. But, it made me wonder if my columns annoy the dead.
I wish one of them would write and let me know.
[Janet Urquhart writes a column about nothing, which is harder than it sounds. Her e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org]
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