Janet Urquhart: "For sale: Aspen dream home" | AspenTimes.com

Janet Urquhart: "For sale: Aspen dream home"

I often amuse myself by checking local real estate opportunities. You just never know when your Aspen dream home will suddenly appear on the market for the super-low price of $3.6 million or something.

There are some real steals out there for the savvy home buyer:

Rare Opportunity – This 20th century hovel is located in an exclusive east side Aspen back yard, er, enclave. Great expansion opportunities for innovative shovel owner. Striking views of taller buildings.

Tranquil Seclusion – West End living in deathly, er, remarkably quiet neighborhood. Enjoy the solitude of this one-room treasure. Complemented with a marvelous outdoor patio/stairway landing. Ample, three-car garage constitutes lower level. Garage sold separately.

Private Hideaway – Multiple exits and lack of occupancy permit make this bandit retreat the ideal hideaway for the undocumented Aspenite. Crawl space doubles as wine cellar and its trap-door access is easily concealed for additional privacy. An incredible find for the buyer who doesn’t want to be found.

Quaint Fixer-Upper – Handyman’s delight offers unlimited spackling opportunities. Decorating options abound with wall-to-wall carpeting of undistinguishable hue. Located within walking distance of hardware store. Complete lack of window treatments ensures well-lit rooms. Must see it to believe it.

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Woodsy Setting – Spectacular locale surrounded by National Forest. Property loaded with mature aspen trees and oak brush. Well-lit, airy living space, sky-high ceilings and unstoppable views. Dramatic great room features hand-built stone fire ring. Burning restrictions may apply. True mountain living. Encounters with nature guaranteed.

Downtown Aspen – Prime location. Doubles as spacious walk-in closet. Just two blocks from gondola and public restrooms. Chefs will love the gourmet kitchen at restaurant down the street.

Steeped in History – Historic edge-of-town property dates back to Aspen’s illustrious mining days. So does the plumbing. Out buildings and tailings pile add to the charm of this shack, er, cottage. Comes with national EPA recognition as Superfund site. A unique opportunity to get the shaft in Aspen.

Ski-In Ski-Out – The legendary slopes of Ajax, just a 2,000-foot climb over Richmond Ridge, await the owner of this cozy outpost. Dazzling setting on back of Aspen Mountain offers ski-in, ski-out access for the truly fit. Panoramic views. Avalanche danger and inaccessibility add to the charm. Wood stove brings a warm glow to this backcountry hideaway. Ax sold separately.

Messy Vitality – Experience the best that Aspen living has to offer in these funky digs. Vibrant neighborhood. On a bus route. Close proximity to host of handy services, including auto repair. Welder just one floor below. Two-bedroom, one-bath condo sleeps 10. Roommates included. Act now.

Richly Appointed – A must-see for the discerning buyer, this richly-appointed studio features particle-board doors throughout. Custom plywood paneling and textured drywall interiors accent the window. Designer Formica countertops and meticulously detailed plastic finishes. Functioning all-chrome fixtures in bathroom. Three hundred square feet of heating living space. Heat sold separately.

Cozy Charmer – Heavy timber construction, reinforced roof and solid-pine double doors with heavy-duty latches will give the owner of this classic Aspen dwelling a real sense of security. Bear-proof. Screened vents provide fresh mountain air year-round. Alleyway access in quiet residential neighborhood. Unparalleled views of garbage dumpster.

[Janet Urquhart has a future writing real estate ads. Her column appears on Fridays in The Aspen Times.]