Janet Urquhart: Aspen no place for middle-aged | AspenTimes.com

Janet Urquhart: Aspen no place for middle-aged

I think Im too old to be an Aspenite. Or, Im not old enough.Im lost in that gray area of middle age, too old to know what bling-bling means and too young to conceal my shame behind a pair of those giant eyeglasses with the beefy thick frames that appeal to women of a certain vintage.Im well beyond the age when I might huck myself off something clifflike, assuming I have a clear understanding of what hucking is (I hope we can say hucking in this newspaper), but Im not quite old enough to worry about inadvertently executing a Crippler 720 in an icy parking lot and failing to stick the landing.Now, if I was 20 years older, I wouldnt care that I dont know who this Beyonc person is. Id have long since crossed over into the blissful oblivion of the colored-hair set, where I would not be troubled by my ignorance of pop culture. Id be comfortably entrenched in modern maturity, wining and dining in Aspens finer establishments with other well-heeled, fabulously fit retirees. I see them sometimes, clinking their wine glasses behind the windowpanes at Ute City Bar & Grill.Yeah, Aspen caters best to the old and the young. People my age can only look at the youngsters in tight, hip-hugger jeans with bell-bottoms and know we cant really pull off that look anymore. On the other hand, wearing them in the 70s was enough for me.Nor, however, am I ready to accessorize with clunky jewelry and wear my moms fur coat.If youre retired, all you have to do is play. If youre young, life is all about work and play. But, the in-between days are all about work, since youre too tired to play by the time the workday is done. As if middle age wasnt already staring me in the face, Aspen is going out of its way to make me feel past my prime.First there was this X Games business with a language I dont understand. McTwist? Isnt that on the menu at McDonalds?The Offspring concert really pushed my envelope. If I hadnt spent the past few years working out at a gym where the background music tended to be loud and cutting-edge, Id have blurted out Who? You can forget ever treading again on trendy ground once you pop that question.I had a friend in high school who, on the then-topical topic of Alice Cooper, said, Whos she? That was back when the L-word meant loser.So where was I? Right, Spring Jam. The Aspen Skiing Co.s latest effort to court the baggy-panted set and leave me out in the cold. A big downtown bash. L.A. Hip-hop group. Break-dancing moves like coffee grinders and windmills. The kind of thing that makes my vertebrae pop just thinking about it.Starts at 9 p.m. and ends at midnight.Thats past my bedtime.[Janet Urquhart wants to know when somebodys going to bring Sheryl Crow to town. Her e-mail is janet@aspentimes.com]