Hurricane who? I’m confused
OK. You gotta help me out here. I’m confused. Is it Hurricane Harriet? And Wilma for the Supreme Court?Who’s Wilma? Wilma Flintstone?Harriet Flintstone?No. Definitely not. I’m making this up.But wait!What about Harriet Plame? No, I mean Valerie Flame.Flame? Flame on! OK, I know that one. “Flame on!” That’s the Human Torch. Real name: Johnny Storm. Marvel Comics. The Fantastic Four. Read ’em all the time. He was someone’s sidekick. Wonder Woman?Wonder Woman? Is that Condi Rice? No, not wondering about whether she’s a woman. Not with those sexy boots of hers.OK, never mind. It wasn’t Wonder Woman in the Fantastic Four anyway. It was Invisible Girl – who grew up to become Invisible Woman. And speaking of Invisible Woman … we’re back to Harriet Whatsername.So, OK. Let’s get it straight. Forget about Wonder Woman, Invisible Woman and the Human Torch. Let’s get back to Valerie.Hurricane Valerie, right? Causing leaky roofs all over Florida.No. Wait. It’s the conservatives who are trying to take a leak all over Harriet Whatsername.No. That’s not fair. And it’s not right – it’s Right Wing. But never mind.The leak is from Scooter.Scooter Rizzuto? Shortstop for the Yankees. Got hit in the head with a pitch in 194, suffered dizzy spells the rest of his life. Made a dumb mistake in Game 7 of the ’55 World Series that maybe cost the Yankees the title.Dizzy spells? Dumb mistakes? Must be part of the Bush administration.No. Never mind that. It’s Scooter Libby. OK?OK. Now how about that Supreme Court nominee, the new judge.Judge Judy? Punch and Judy. Judy Miller.Got it. Judy Miller. Covered the leak. That’s not important. It’s all dirty laundry. No real crime. Just a technicality, a little perjury. No need to overreact. No need to react at all.No reaction? Are we talking about FEMA?No. That’s not fair. It wasn’t no reaction. It was a delayed reaction.They should have gone ahead without delay.Tom DeLay?Money laundering. That’s all dirty laundry. No real crime. What’s a little perjury? Dirty laundry.Tom Landry?No. That’s football. We’re talking baseball.And it’s World Series time! All right! Houston’s in the Series.Houston? Didn’t the refugees go to Houston after Hurricane Wilma?No, not Wilma. Harriet! Never mind. Wrong hurricane anyway. I mean the hurricane with FEMA.FEMA’s broken.Broken femur? Ouch! Call the doctor.Doctor Frist?Nope. He’s in trouble too.For insider trading. What’s that?It’s what Martha didn’t do. They attacked her for a little harmless perjury. Martha didn’t do anything.FEMA didn’t do anything.When? During Hurricane Martha? I mean, Harriet.No! Wilma!Wilma? Wilma Flintstone’s best friend was Betty Rubble.Rubble. So we’re back to the Bush administration.Hey, they’re not rubble. They’re fantastic!The Fantastic Four! Human Torch. Invisible Girl. Mr. Fantastic. And … The Thing.Dick Cheney!That’s not fair. I remember The Thing. He was a mutant, orange-colored, thick-skinned, always cranky. His fiancée was kidnapped by the evil Skrulls from the Negative Zone.Evil Skrull? Gotta be Dick Cheney. And he’s the one that’s leaking.Leaking? Yeah, well, that happens with a man his age. He’s 64.But he’s still frisky. Especially when it comes to torture. He’s young at heart. Just a kid. Little Dickie Cheney.Little Dickie and his pal Scooter. Just a couple of little rascals.The Little Rascals? Our Gang? Spanky and Our Gang.Spanky? Hanky-panky?No, hanky-panky was the last bunch. The evildoers from Arkansas. A nasty bunch. They lied!They lied?Yes. Perjury! A vile crime. They got what they had coming. They deserved it! Justice was done.Justice? Justice Harriet?No. Justice Wilma. Hurricane Harriet.And Scooter Cheney?Scooter Rizzuto?Scooter Libby.That’s the one!The leak. The spy. The hurricane. The court. The perjury.The rubble.Got it!Andy Stone is former editor of The Aspen Times. His e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org
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