Elway called: all pitch, no pass
Well, all my new friends have quit calling. Sure, when they were courting my vote, the voice messages on my home phone rivaled the guest list on Leno.George W. called me twice. The second time I heard his voice on the machine, I had a house guest. I grabbed the receiver and told him in agitated, hushed tones, “George, I told you never to call me here,” and slammed the phone down.I guess it worked. He hasn’t called since.What a head rush – hanging up on the leader of the free world, such as it is.John Kerry never did ring me up, the ingrate.I had back-to-back calls from Madeleine Albright, Sheryl Crow and Bob Redford, though. Elizabeth Edwards, John Elway, Petey Coors – they all called. I was tempted to star-69 Redford, but he’s not as hot lookin’ as he used to be.Anyway, the luminaries have apparently all erased me from their speed dials in the wake of Tuesday’s election.All they wanted was to influence my vote. I feel so cheap, so used. ***Speaking of vote influencing, does anyone support a candidate on the advice of an ex-Bronco quarterback, an aging actor or anyone else?The answer is yes. I actually watched someone Xerox a sample ballot and fill it out based on fellow Times’ columnist Su Lum’s election musings. This voter planned to take the sample into the voting booth and cast the real ballot à la Lum.Presumably, this particular individual isn’t registered as an independent.***And, speaking of people who can’t figure out how to vote, how about the folks who claim to have accidentally miscast their vote on Referendum 2A – the question about repealing the zoning for a new Aspen visitor center? If you managed to miss all the media coverage on this particular ballot question, and the repeated instruction on what a “yes” vote versus a “no” vote meant, reading comprehension skills alone should have been sufficient to guide you through the one-paragraph question sans confusion. Next time, just follow Lum’s lead. That way, at least the person telling you how to vote will understand the question.***Couldn’t help noticing Tom Brokaw was broadcasting from someplace called “Democracy Plaza” on election night. Is this anything like the Pitkin County Library plaza, spared from utter destruction by the possibly unintentional passage of Referendum 2A?***So, did ya vote to keep Judge Arthur P. Roy in office on the Colorado Court of Appeals or did you vote to send him packing? Why? OK, 4,586 people in Pitkin County cast a “yes” vote on this one. Another 1,166 people voted to give Judge Roy the boot. I suspect few of them knew anything about ol’ Judge Roy or his work on the bench.Voting’s a power trip. You’ve got that black marking pen in your grip and ballot full of blank ovals just waiting to be filled in. Think about it: You can elect a president with less pertinent knowledge than the state requires when it issues you a driver’s license.Janet Urquhart couldn’t help noticing 12 pairs of candidates on the presidential ballot. She’d never heard of nine of them. Her e-mail address is email@example.com
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