Digging inside the mailbag
Divulging my whole life in the newspaper is fun and all, but I know it’s time to quit when every time I have a conversation with someone they say, “I know. I already read about it in your column.”So I thought we’d switch things up a little bit and provide some space for what you have to say. Besides, what could be more fun than reading someone else’s e-mail? Here are a few standout letters I’ve received over the past year. And the best letter award goes to …Best “Let me be the one to correct your grammar” letterDear Princess (or if I may be so bold), Alison,I like, really, look forward to your article every week. Like really, your Thanksgiving message did not escape me. I like really enjoyed it. Being the professional journalist that you like, really are, I’m sure you can like accept a minor point of constructive criticism. Please allow me one point if you may.When you said “They are like the most unsentimental people on the planet, who could care less about upholding any kind of tradition around the holidays,” I think you diluted how much they like, really didn’t care. You see, to say they “could care less,” means that they like did care some. Perhaps you intended to say “who could not (couldn’t) care less.” Hence, they care not like in the least.This often misused like cliche is a pet peeve of mine, like people that like use the like non-word “irregardless” which seems to me to mean the opposite of regardless which is like totally confusing. Another pet peeve of mine is people who use run on sentences and digress from the main subject and …..Please feel free to remove any unneeded “likes” from the likes of this like diatribe as written by the unlikely writer who used them so like frivolously. Keep up the good work my Princess, I’m looking forward to next week.WayneBest “Kill ’em with kindness” letterAre you for real? I’ve been reading your column off and on for awhile and even my boyfriends finally think you are bor…ing……..you must have had a childhood without love and acceptance. Oh my god, I don’t get how a newspaper could hire you to write such high school crap. Yawn. Are you a real journalist?LisaLisa,Wow! I’m sorry you and your boyfriends don’t like my column, Lisa. To answer your question, I am in fact a real journalist, at least if you think a degree from the University of Colorado school of journalism or 10 years as a magazine editor counts for anything. I agree that my column can be crap/boring sometimes so it’s good to get this kind of feedback once in awhile to push me to do better. Although my childhood was pretty damn good so I can’t really use that as an excuse. Either way, I really appreciate you taking the time not only to read my column, but to actually sit down and bother to write me an e-mail! I love hearing from my readers, even if they’re disgruntled ones. I guess you won’t be interested in hearing about when my book comes out? Lucky for me my publisher doesn’t feel the same way you do. Cheers,AliAli,Thanks for your reply! Actually, I would be interested in knowing about your book and when it will be available.Thanks,LisaBest “Let me write your column for you” letter:Dear Princess:I know you don’t write an advice column (or do you?) but I gotta unload here and my instinct tells me you’re the one that will carry my message to the masses.I am so over:(1) This sunglasses on top of the head (or, even worse, on top of the baseball cap) thing. It seems that every thirty- or forty-something trendoid just has to have this look. Meanwhile, I walk by these people sitting on the Zele patio and I can see the greasy smears on their sunglass lenses. How do they possibly see? And why is it you’ll be someplace hours and hours after the sun has set and you’ll still see people with their sunglasses on top of their heads? Ladies: There are some excellent and time-proven ways to hold your hair back that don’t involve leaving gross deposits on your sunglasses!!(2) This whole baseball cap thing and its even worse subcategory: the severe-looking chick in sunglasses who is wearing a baseball cap and has her ponytail threaded through the hole in the back. You guys who are bald have got to know that you’re not fooling anybody and the rest of you, what’s with the headgear that makes you look like you are the member of some blue collar clone army? Guys: you’ll see very few successful men who wear baseball caps. Gals: trust me, this is not an attractive look. All of you: how can you stand the hat hair?(3) This whole bleached/streaked hair thing. I mean, this town has so many women with such beautiful blond hair. Why in the world do they want to dye their roots dark like that? Seriously, this thing has gotten out of hand. Presumably these women are bleaching their hair to make themselves more attractive. Well, at least to this guy, it has just the opposite effect. When I see someone with bleached hair not only do I think it looks skanky but I see a woman who I feel sorry for because she is so insecure in her looks that she can’t work with what the good lord gave her. Congrats on the new Denver Post gig. Next, Vanity Fair!!Thanks for letting me vent.RichThe Princess is having way too much fun in the sun to sit in front of her computer. E-mail her if you dare at firstname.lastname@example.org
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The past sneaks up on us in the strangest of ways, and I don’t mean bounty hunters flashing those “Wanted: Dead or Alive” posters in our faces.