Celebrity circus time in Aspen
Aspen, CO ColoradoGuess what. Last night I got to interview Mariah Carey.We all know about my little tabloid fetish, so this was sort of an unexpected surprise. I totally get it that there’s an unspoken Cool Guy Code in Aspen that says you’re never supposed to fuss over celebrities, but I don’t really care. I think it’s cool.I’ve had all kinds of celebrity interludes during my illustrious writing career, and even though I’ve never slept with any of them, it’s definitely on my list of things to do before I die (along with hitching a ride on a private plane and living in Paris). Christmas week is one of my favorite times of year in Aspen because I love seeing all these stars wandering aimlessly around my town, like they’ve come here to hang out with me.The first celeb I ever met was Seal, and that was back when I was an editor at Transworld Snowboarding magazine. Seal was involved with Board Aid, an AIDS benefit we hosted every year in Snow Summit, Calif. Seal loves to snowboard so he was nice enough to hook us up with backstage passes to his concert in San Diego.”Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Victoria Jealouse?” Seal asked in that graceful British accent, wrapping his extremely large, warm hand around mine. Seal is like a million feet tall and one of the most elegant, sexy men I’ve ever met.Victoria is a pro snowboarder who looks nothing like me, other than being short and blonde. As one of the rippingest female big mountain riders on the planet she’s a celebrity in her own right, with dark eyes that look like buttons and long, thick blonde hair. One night we sat on the floor in the hallway of her hotel room talking until four o’clock in the morning about snowboarding and boys. I had a huge crush on her, so it meant a lot to me that Seal would say that.Speaking of Seal, I saw him crossing the street by Boogie’s with his snowboard the other day. I pointed and yelled, “Look! There’s Seal!” at the top of my lungs so my friend John had to throw his hand over my mouth and drag me the other way. (No, I didn’t really do that. I was whispering the whole time).In Aspen I’ve had run-ins with some biggies and believe-you-me I don’t hesitate to call my 50 best friends to tell them Luke Wilson put his arm around me at Cooper Street. I actually thought I might accomplish that number one item on my T.D.B.I.D list when he picked me out of the crowd and escorted me aside.”Your eyes are so b …” he started to say, gazing at me lovingly.I’m sitting there thinking he’s going to say “blue” or “beautiful.” I’m thinking, holy crow, I’m going home with Luke Wilson tonight!And then he goes, “Your eyes are so bloodshot. I was hoping maybe you had some weed.”That same night, Owen Wilson was my partner in shuffleboard. He kept yelling at me because I’d forget to write the score down on the chalkboard. “I feel like I’m your kindergarten teacher,” he said in a frustrated tone. I figured I’d blown my chances of going home with him, too.Then I tried to meet Sarah Jessica Parker one night outside the Red Onion when all my friends egged me on. “Go say hi to her,” they said. “Tell her you’re the Carrie Bradshaw of Aspen.”I don’t know why in the world I’d even consider doing something asinine like that. Something took over my brain and I bee lined straight for her, my high heeled boots announcing my arrival as the click-clack-click-clack echoed through the empty streets.”Incoming!” her bodyguard yelled, and they took off in the other direction. My friends who were in the peanut gallery thought that was hilarious. The sad part was Sarah Jessica Parker isn’t Carrie Bradshaw at all. She’s just a super skinny actress with garish features and way too much eye makeup. It was, oddly enough, a true Carrie Bradshaw moment.That was the total opposite of my little run-in with Larry David at L’Hostaria during Comedy Fest two years ago. He was exactly how he is on Curb Your Enthusiasm, (probably because he plays himself, but still). He wore those cute sneakers and khakis and a v-neck sweater with a T-shirt underneath like he jumped right out of the TV screen and into the restaurant.”Hey, how do I get to the St. Regis?” he asked.”It’s like two blocks this way and two blocks that way,” Tim said.”What are blocks? What do you mean, blocks?” Larry replied, playing himself.”Um, city units?” Tim said, somewhat unsure of what to say next.So last night I got to interview Mariah because the crew from Entertainment Tonight couldn’t make it and they were super desperate to find someone who was stupid enough to spend half the night sitting around waiting to do a 60-second interview with a big star. Of course I had this huge zit on the side of my face that was really easy to see with all those bright lights. I thought I would be okay hiding it behind my hair, but Mariah was quite tall in her heels and I am a midget so I had my head tilted back the whole time. Thank god I was cut out of the shot – but I swear that was me holding the mic, really, it was.Mariah was cool and everything, but the only problem with the whole arrangement was I was on the wrong side of the microphone. Because I do understand those little unspoken celebrity rules, I resisted the urge to hip check Mariah out of the shot and scream “Hey lady! Don’t you know who I am?”The Princess was shocked to discover that Troy Hooper is a correspondent for Us Weekly. E-mail your best celebrity sightings to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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