Can we all get along on the hill? |

Can we all get along on the hill?

Tony Vagneur
Aspen, CO Colorado

So, there we were last Monday, with 13 official inches of fresh beckoning us up the mountain, and the gondola wouldn’t open its doors to the masses. Frustration was palpable, but then, things are the way they are, so why tense your gluts to the point of absurdity? Because of potential slide danger, particularly in the Spar Dumps, the ski patrol had to run some avalanche routes more than once to alleviate concerns about public safety. Most people took it in stride, although there were the usual disgruntled souls, mouthing off about the “incompetent” Skiing Company, but then, it wouldn’t be Aspen without those clowns. I always wonder, if Aspen Mountain is so badly run why they don’t go elsewhere.

We all eventually got up the hill, and as I stopped at the Guest Service Center on top of the mountain, I witnessed the “king of spoiled” go through his rant. He’d tried to contact the ski patrol to glean some nugget of “closed/open” information that apparently only royalty of his sort is privy to, but when they didn’t answer the phone right away, he went into a mini-rage, bitching about their poor attempts at “throwing bombs” and running avalanche routes and how they had screwed up “his” day.

Perhaps this moron doesn’t realize the dispatcher has other things to do than cater to his selfish, sorry ass. On second thought, maybe he is incapable of reading the trail status board at the top of the mountain, right next to the GSC.

As repugnant as his behavior was, it brings to mind other, less egregious, issues of skiing etiquette ” or lack of ” that come up from time to time. Not to pick on snowboarders, but hey guys, if you can’t ride it [making both heel and toe turns], don’t scrape all the snow off the steep sections just to bail out. I’m mostly talking Congo’s Triangle and S1, but there are other areas, as well. Some skiers, take note.

All snow sliders alike, if your buddies have skied to the front of the maze to wait for you (not intelligent) and are hollering for you to scurry through the line like the snow scum you are, at least try not to clamor over the tops of everyone’s skis in your uncontrolled attempt at being cool. And remember, those of us who don’t consider ourselves invisible might fight back.

For those of you doing your scummy real estate development deals on the gondola, such behavior might suit your inability to enjoy anything else, but just remember, even though some of us might look like we don’t know crap about anything, we might know some of your principals and aren’t afraid to repeat your less than complimentary concerns about those same friends. And don’t forget, if you slip up and call those of your ilk from your room at the Nell or St. Regis, caller ID might thwart your best “still in the city” B.S.

If there’s a line at the gondola, boys, it is decidedly dumb-ass to walk alongside a partially filled cabin, feigning a bubonic plague-style cough, and walking like there’s a stick up your backside, just to keep “unknowns” out. Whether it’s weird sex you crave or just a bowl of weed, you’re a loser when there’s a crowd.

Leaving your skis (or boards) on the ground at restaurants, the ski patrol shack, or other places you enter, isn’t smart, either. The rest of us don’t need to trip all over your nice, new equipment, but we will if there’s no choice.

And specifically, let me say that if you are in your 30s or 40s and I overtake you on the hike to the top of Highland Bowl, it definitely is not cool to ask how old I am. Just wonder about it as you watch me get smaller.