Barry Smith: Straight shot and other Aspen drinks | AspenTimes.com

Barry Smith: Straight shot and other Aspen drinks

Tonight’s the night that Aspen gets its very own “official” cocktail.The first Aspen Cocktail Classic, held at the Sky Hotel lounge, will find local barkeeps trying to create the alcoholic concoction that everyone will ask for by name come aprs-ski time. The Aspen Chamber Resort Association is helping with the event, and even Skico will be pushing the newly crowned official libation.The rules: The ingredients must be available at all the bars in town, and the mixed drink must have “Aspen” in the title.ASPEN YOGA MARTINI”Shaken, Not Stretched”Ingredients: * 1 1/2 oz vodka * dash dry vermouthMixing instructions:Combine ingredients with cracked ice in a shaker. [NOTE: But not an actual “Shaker,” as in a member of the evangelistic religious group that fled to the American colonies in 1774 to escape persecution in England and are currently best known for their distinctive, faith-based furniture design. No, just a shaker, a regular shaker, one of those little secular containers used for shaking things up.] Shake well, but not enough to loosen up your muscles. Strain ? the drink and yourself ? and serve in a chilled glass. Garnish with an olive, unless the olive jar is on the bottom shelf and you have to stretch to reach it.ASPEN STRAIGHT SHOT(Sounds deceptively simple, but make sure you have plenty of time to spare before ordering this one)Ingredients:* 1 shot of your choice* 1/2 shot of bartender’s choice* 1 Hershey’s chocolate kissMixing instructions:Shake ingredients together (except chocolate) with handful of construction dust and strain into an old-fashioned glass over chunks of asphalt. Everyone at the bar then has to vote on whether or not you get to consume your drink. Then they vote again. And again. Then they argue over the fact that they voted on it already. Then they argue over the wording of what they voted on (“What did you mean by ‘drink,’ exactly?”) Then someone circulates a petition. Then someone else files a lawsuit against the petition circulators. Then against you, the bartender and the bar. Finally, the bartender shoves the drink down your throat and forces you to eat the Hershey’s kiss, manipulating your jaw up and down like in the old Popeye cartoons. You leave all of your money on the bar and take a bus home.ASPEN COFFEEIngredients:* 1 cup Caf Ink coffee* 1 shot Irish Cream* 1 dash sugar* 1 Starbucks franchiseMixing instructions:Combine in a coffee mug. Serve hot. Notice Starbucks being built next to Caf Ink. Shake head slowly side to side. Vow to boycott the corporate invasion.VARIATION: Finish your Aspen Coffee and mosey on over to Starbucks. Pick up a job application and a double skinny latte to go.ASPEN OLD-FASHIONEDIngredients:* 2 oz blended whiskey * 1 cube sugar * 1 dash bitters * 1 slice lemon * 1 cherry * 1 slice orange Mixing instructions:Throw out all ingredients except the bitters. Do not mix well. Let stand for 20 years then add more bitters, at which point it will begin to moan to all the other cocktails about how much better things were around here 20 years ago and that their opinions are stupid and wrong by virtue of their relatively recent arrival.ASPEN SLUSH DAIQUIRIIngredients:* 2 jiggers Jamaica rum* 1 jigger lime juice * 2 jiggers magnesium chloride* 1 gallon windshield cleaning fluidMixing instructions:Blend all ingredients in blender with fresh snow. Pour into tall glass and serve with decorative windshield wiper.[Barry Smith’s column runs in The Aspen Times on Monday and Thursday. His e-mail address is barry@Irrelativity.com, and his very own Web page is at http://www.Irrelativity.com]