Barry Smith: Irrelativity |

Barry Smith: Irrelativity

Barry Smith
The Aspen Times
Aspen, CO, Colorado
Jordan Curet The Aspen Times
ALL | The Aspen Times

It’s that blasted 140-character limit that holds me back from fully engaging in Twitter. I know that’s kind of the whole point, but I just can’t seem to embrace it. How can I say all that needs to be said with so little … saying? I can’t even bring myself to write “2” instead of “to” despite the obvious time-saving benefits. The Twitter leap is one that I fear I’ll never be able to make.

This used to bother me until I found the perfect Twitter surrogate – Barry Smith. Yes, another Barry Smith – one with whom I have much in common. Mr. Smith lives in the deep South, where I spent my formative years. We share the exact same full name – yes, all three names! Weird. We’ve even chosen remarkably similar Twitter handles – mine is @Barrysmiff, and he’s @SmiffBoiBarry. “Smiff” is how we Southerners pronounce “Smith,” of course.

However, that’s where the similarities break down, as Barry Smith is clearly much younger and hipper than I am. And because of that, he’s fully mastered the nuances of Twitter.

So I’ve decided, rather than continue to hack my way through the Twit-centric future, to just let let Barry Smith do the Tweeting for me. He’s much more skilled and enthusiastic, and even if I did decide to really work at it, I doubt that I could ever do as good a job as he is.

To see what I mean, check out some of these tweets that I sent, compared with Barry Smith the Younger’s much more concise equivalents. Oh, and @SmiffBoiBarry is an actual person. Check him out – heck, follow him – if you don’t believe me.

@Barrysmiff – I believe there’s something wrong with my iPhone. When I send an e-mail from my phone, the message goes into the “Sent” box, as it should, but only on the phone. A copy doesn’t show up on my computer mail program. This is disconcerting. It could be that I’ve not adjusted the settings properly when I recently made the transition to iCloud.

@SmiffBoiBarry – This wak ass phone prolli send my messages late too.. nigg gon miss errthang

@Barrysmiff – Honestly, I just don’t see the appeal of reality TV. Even with the slightest bit of examination it breaks down quickly. Why would you watch someone else living their lives rather than living your own? Plus, it’s common knowledge at this point that there’s very little “reality” in Reality TV. It’s all manipulated, in both pre and post production, for maximum drama and conflict. How is this even entertaining? It’s manipulation! And besides, I have my own drama and conflict to create – (I am now laughing aloud at the cleverness of my observation)

@SmiffBoiBarry – A nigga too busy paper chasin to be watchin sweet ass reality shows lol

@Barrysmiff – I don’t understand how people can be so unaware of their actions. Certainly there are things that I do that I’m unaware of. That’s part of being human, right? There’s always a layer of unconsciousness that engulfs us, keeping us from fully knowing ourselves. Perhaps it’s a protective mechanism. Maybe too much self-knowledge would be more harmful than beneficial. Also, it’s impossible to know how we look to the eyes of the world. Still, I can’t help but feel like some people could put a bit more effort into personal awareness.

@SmiffBoiBarry – This lady in this waiting room popping this gum.. see errbodi looking upside her head yet she stilll popping

@Barrysmiff – I’m concerned with how much time people are spending on their “devices.” I’m no luddite, but everywhere I look I see people not conversing, not interacting, not present to their surroundings…but staring into some device in their hand. What’s going to happen to the world if this trend continues? Will eye contact become a thing of the past? I believe it’s a serious problem and should be addressed #Idontreallyunderstandhowhashtagswork

@SmiffBoiBarry – Sooo.. a foo was riding a bike and textin on a flip phone on a sidewalk… and ike hit his ass! # WRECKless driving

@Barrysmiff – I wonder if I’ll ever reach a point where puerile references are no longer funny to me? It’s a bit worrisome, actually. I’m in my mid-40s and there are times when I feel like my sense of humor stopped developing at 15. Just frozen in time, right there. And even knowing this about myself doesn’t seem to help. I fancy myself a bit of an Oscar Wilde, with my sophisticated and multi-layered wit, but I know that I’m really more of an Oscar Meyer. See? See what I mean? I went right for the weenie joke!

@SmiffBoiBarry – Ever have them “doo-doos” u gotta get damn near nekkid to take?!

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