Barry Smith: History best left in the past | AspenTimes.com
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Barry Smith: History best left in the past

The best thing about history is that it happened when it did. Because if it would have happened, say, now, instead of then, well …

Jesus

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. For a free sample of ‘Blessed,’ the all-in-one nutritional weight-loss supplement that is helping the multitudes regain control of their eating habits, call the number on your screen.”



Patrick Henry

“Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! ” I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death. If you forward this message to everyone in your address book within one hour, you will receive Good Luck!”




Abraham Lincoln

“Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Maybe it’s time you asked your doctor about Mopzadril.”

Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Yesterday, December 7, 1941, ” a date which will live in infamy ” the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. Tune in to FOX this Wednesday for ‘Pearl Harbor Survivor,’ the ultimate war-time reality show, and see who gets bombed off the island this week.”

Sir Winston Churchill

“We shall defend our island whatever the cost may be; we shall fight on beaches, landing grounds, in fields, in streets and on the hills. We shall never surrender. This is Winston Churchill reporting live from Baghdad. Now here’s Ron with sports.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream that, as a courtesy to those around you, you will all remember to turn off your pagers and cell phones, or switch them to vibrate mode, for the remainder of this rally. I have a dream today …”

John F. Kennedy

“My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you: Ask what you can do for your country. Make sure you log on to our live chat session, happening right now at http://www.asknot.com. Later on in the program we’ll be counting down the top 10 things that your country has done for you, so get online now and cast your votes.”

Richard Nixon

“I have fought for what I believe in. I have tried, to the best of my ability, to discharge those duties and meet those responsibilities that were entrusted to me. Sometimes I have succeeded. And sometimes I have failed. Fo’ shizzle, my nizzle.”

Barry Smith’s column runs in The Aspen Times on Mondays. E-mail at barry@Irrelativity.com. His very own Web page is at http://www.Irrelativity.com


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