Admit it – This stuff is great
Have you found yourself wondering who, besides the entertainment media, actually cares about the divorce of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt? At this point it seems as though even Brad and Jennifer have moved on and are happily adopting babies with and/or dating other people. To be honest though – I care and I’m kind of sad.And this isn’t the first time I’ve been emotionally affected by a high-profile split. I remember a few years back when Tom Green hosted Saturday Night Live. His then-wife Drew Barrymore was backstage and I observed a moment between them that was clearly meant to be private (OK, I’m not perfect). As they tenderly rubbed noses and exchanged a loving kiss, I remember thinking that I would be lucky to be in a relationship as solid as theirs clearly was – to find someone who could gaze into my eyes and hear everything that my heart was saying without a single spoken word. It was five or so months later that they announced the abrupt, unsentimental and unemotional end to their marriage. Like Brad and Jen’s divorce announcement, that hurt.The funny thing is, I don’t really care about seeing celebrities in person. (Well, except maybe for the time I saw Jon Bon Jovi on the Hyman Avenue Mall in Aspen – that was a good one. And I once ate at a table next to Harrison Ford at Pomodoro on Columbus Avenue in Manhattan – I’ll admit that seeing Indiana Jones mopping a piece of bread in oil made for a good story. Alright, and seeing Oprah power-walking in Central Park definitely rates as an excellent sighting.) In my pre-Aspen life, I worked in Manhattan as a TV celebrity booker and producer, so dealing with famous people was a job. Trust me when I say that the glitter and shine quickly shakes off the star when you’re told that if you can’t get the lead singer’s herpes prescription filled in the next 20 minutes, he absolutely refuses to perform on your live show. Besides, I learned soon after moving to Aspen that it’s decidedly uncool to get excited about celebrity sightings. Even though Aspen is a haven for socialites and A-listers, locals will sneer at you if you confess to a little thrill because Kurt and Goldie ordered the exact same apps as you at Cantina.But while seeing someone famous in person doesn’t do it for me, there’s something about reading about the lives of celebrities that I find highly addictive and US Magazine is undoubtedly my weekly dose of crack. There’s a brilliant photos-only section called “Stars … They’re Just Like Us.” Halle Berry pumping gas. Jude Law talking on his cell phone with his fly unzipped. Madonna riding her bike to Kabbalah class. Britney Spears without make-up in the supermarket buying Cheetos. Britney Spears walking into a gas station bathroom barefoot. Britney Spears walking into a different gas station bathroom barefoot. Britney Spears straddling her then-boyfriend-now-husband but then also the boyfriend of his 8-month pregnant other girlfriend on a beach in front of about 40 photographers. US even had a special Britney section a few months ago called “Trashtastic.” I don’t care how highbrow you think you are – there’s no denying that’s good stuff.While reading US Weekly and other tabloid gossip pages provides me with endless entertainment, I guess the truth is that I take the relationship stuff kind of seriously. The print and TV infotainment makes me feel intimately involved in the lives of famous people. I see pictures of them on dates getting lattes and holding hands. I read the rumors of the surprise engagements that happened while they were vacationing on exotic islands that I’ll never afford to see in person. I listen to seventh person eyewitness accounts of their zillion-dollar fairy tale weddings. I watch footage of them laughing and eating together and holding hands across the table, oblivious of the world around them. When a break-up is announced, it almost feels like it’s happening to my friends.Even if Jennifer is over Brad, I’m not over him for her. What woman in her right mind wouldn’t be devastated knowing she missed the opportunity to have little Pitt-lets of her very own?Come on – admit it – this is good stuff. Meredith Cohen is pleased to report that neither People nor Star Magazine has ever printed anything false about her. Questions or comments can be e-mailed to email@example.com
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The past sneaks up on us in the strangest of ways, and I don’t mean bounty hunters flashing those “Wanted: Dead or Alive” posters in our faces.