Addison Gardner: Always Right |

Addison Gardner: Always Right

Addison GardnerThe Aspen TimesAspen, CO Colorado

In January, President Obama promised Americans his stimulus plan would “create or save” between 3 million and 4 million American jobs.Without $787 billion in Democratic spending, our 7.2 percent unemployment rate could hit 9 percent before the end of 2009. With it, the president promised, the unemployment rate would drop before year’s end. We could track Obama’s new jobs on Joe Biden’s $10 million website ( and, the president added, “The jobs we create will be in businesses large and small across a wide range of industries.” These wouldn’t be Bush-brand “McJobs,” Obama explained, “They’ll be the kind of jobs that don’t just put people to work in the short term, but position our economy to lead the world in the long term.”The Obama stimulus was signed in Denver nine months – or, depending on how you’re tracking it – 3.3 million lost jobs ago. In July, the administration committed an additional $18 million to “update” Joe Biden’s website, but it plunged through a credibility guardrail last week. is now the laughingstock of Washington, D.C., listing “jobs created or saved” in congressional districts that don’t exist outside of Dorothy’s Emerald City. The unemployment rate is north of 10 percent, and “the jobs created or saved” have been in government. The New York Times reported, Aug. 19, that government has had a growth spurt of 110,000 jobs since the start of the downturn, in December 2007, but the private sector shed 7 million jobs – more than 3 million jobs lost during Obama’s watch, post-stimulus.Joe Biden’s bazillion-dollar website is comically emblematic of what happens when government promises to “eliminate waste and fraud.” It wastes, and it delivers fraud.The stimulus plan gave us higher unemployment in 29 states last month. It also stimulated the loss of two Democratic governorships, plus a plunging presidential approval rating that’s drilling its way to the Earth’s core.The administration decision to try Khalid Sheik Mohammed in Manhattan has stimulated a revolt in Fort Apache: The Bronx hasn’t been this angry since George Steinbrenner fired Yogi Berra and replaced him with Billy Martin.I understand losing the Virginia governorship – that’s a traditional conservative stronghold – but the New Jersey loss was inexcusable, and how stupid was it to further piss off New Yorkers by staging a terrorist-trial circus near the World Trade Center Memorial Plaza?Why not just tie a pork chop around your neck and slap Siegfried’s tiger?And what’s with the president’s nonstop globetrotting? When is it going to dawn on Obama that jobless Americans deserve his focus, and the world’s kings and emperors can wait? Mr. President: Summon the White House photographer; bend deeply at the waist; “capture the moment,” and deliver signed glossies to the world’s embassies.The world, in return, can send the White House digital backdrops of The Great Wall of China, the Kremlin’s onion domes, The Blue Mosque in Istanbul, the Giza Pyramids – maybe even the Acropolis surmounted by the Parthenon, with its actual stone (instead of foam) columns. Let’s shrink the president’s carbon footprint: There’s no need for Air Force One to buzz Lady Liberty. Cancel the aircraft armadas abroad. Nix the 90-car, armored motorcades. Pose Obama in a toga; apply some Photoshop filters; insert the backdrop of your choosing. Send me the bill.The president can “reset” America’s image from Washington, where he can easily ignore democratic revolts, Dalai Lamas, and Iranian nukes from the safety of his White House basketball court.Another three-pointer! Yes! (Photo of shirtless Obama to follow)And, speaking of “ignoring revolts,” how about those Democrats in Congress ignoring the millions of Americans in their home districts (and outside the Capitol Building), while condoning Harry Reid’s new “Louisiana Purchase,” a $100 million bribe to Sen. Mary Landrieu? That’s an additional $100 million delivered to a state that’s already the recipient of untold Katrina bailout billions, and for what? To stockpile more, empty FEMA trailers? The levees are still leaking.Sen. Landrieu explains: “I’m proud to have asked for it and I’m proud to have fought for it and I will continue to … Our state is still as poor as it was, if not poorer. I am not going to be defensive about asking for help … and it is not a $100 million fix, it is a $300 million fix.””Harrycare” – which reinserts federal funding for abortions – is an even more expensive affront to American freedoms than the eye-bulging “Nancycare.” Harry’s Senate bill, at 2,074 pages, is 10 percent longer than the House version, and – at $1 trillion – it’s 10 percent more expensive.Teetering atop the Great Wall, President Humpty poses for photos.

Addison Gardner’s column appears every other Tuesday in The Aspen Times.

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