Best of the rest: Categories that missed the cut |

Best of the rest: Categories that missed the cut

Best of! Clickbait! Countdowns! Everyone loves easily consumed lists that require very little reading. Trust me, I know. I worked for Bleacher Report for all of a month when it was still mostly slideshows. To date, my most clicked-on content is a bunch of slideshows under an alias (Jack Stevens, I think) on Bleacher Report because people love arguing with arbitrary lists.

It being almost the end of the year I decided to rate a bunch of things around the Roaring Fork Valley. That and The Aspen Times Best of 2017 voting is going on now so you can affect lists that actually matter because these are categories I made up that are not included in the Best Of.

Top 5 skis runs to straight line

1. Sneaky’s on Snowmass

2. Ruthie’s on Aspen

3. Thunderbowl on Highlands

4. Bull Run on Snowmass

5. Kleenex Corner on Aspen

Top 5 places to cure a hangover

1. Zane’s Tavern

2. Bamboo Bear

3. The weed shop

4. Domino’s

5. Any place with La Croix

Top 5 powder stashes

1. Fanny Hill on Snowmass

2. Assay Hill on Snowmass

3. The Magic Carpet on Snowmass

4. Escobar

5. At the corner of Figure It Out Street and Not Telling You Avenue

Top 5 reasons to go past the roundabout

1. Vacation

2. Snowboarding at Snowmass

3. Golf

4. Disc Golf

5. Food

Top 5 places to people watch

1. Corner of East Hyman Avenue and South Mill Street

2. Ajax Tavern patio

3. Wagner Park

4. Chair 9 Bar during apres ski

5. City Market

Top 5 worst excuses to not ski

1. “My gear isn’t tuned”

2. “I think I’m coming down with something”

3. “I have to do laundry”

4. “I’m hungover”

5. “Flat light”

Top 5 signs of a gaper

1. Falls off the lift

2. Gaper gap

3. Jeans

4. Boundary-to-boundary turns

5. Ski jackets too recent to be retro but old enough to be dated

Top 5 places your roommate went to downvalley that make you jealous

1. Taqueria El Nopal

2. El Korita

3. Ho Palace

4. Ming’s sushi

5. Taco Bell

Top 5 types of powder days

1. Allday nuke show

2. Bluebird powder day

3. First powder day of the season

4. Spring surprise powder day

5. Any powder day that lands on a weekend

Top 5 winter events

1. Apres Ski Cocktail Classic

2. Mardi Gras at Snowmass

3. St. Patrick’s Day

4. X Games

T-for last. Christmas and New Year’s

Top 5 food and drink specials in Aspen

1. Beer and a shot at Justice Snow’s

2. 75-cent wings at Zane’s

3. The tall PBR and Coors cans at Belly Up shows

4. Happy hour at Mezzaluna

5. Burger and a beer special at Zane’s

Top 3 wing flavors at Zane’s

1. Asian

2. Original hot

3. All other flavors

Top 5 lift liquors

1. Brown liquor

2. Fireball

3. Schnapps

4. Rum

5. Vape pen

Top 5 things i hate hearing at the front desk

“Can I change rooms?”

“Where’s the ski slope?”

“Is there any food around here?”

“We’re going to need multiple parking passes.”

“Do you have any more Wall Street Journals?”

Top 5 responses i’d like to give to the list above

“Yeah, I heard the Comfort Inn in Carbondale is nice.”

“We’re located slopeside so you have a 1 in 4 chance of figuring that out on your own.”

“There is food. Google it.”

“More parking spots? Sure, I have parking spaces. Let me check the big board next to my bag of Leprechauns and unicorns.”

“Yes, I have more papers. I’ve been stashing them as a way to elicit conversation from guests.”

Sean Beckwith is a copy editor at The Aspen Times. Email at